Tuesday, December 02, 2008

My paw paw

First, I'd like to thank you all for keeping my family and me in your thoughts and prayers.
The surgery was a little more than three hours and was incredibly intense. They removed his colon and did an ileostomy, and also removed his spleen and gall bladder. His bowel was perforated and his entire belly was pretty much full of blood, and many other "secretions" (I'll keep it at that for those of you with weak stomachs). They've inserted a feeding tube directly into his small intestine and will begin using that in a couple of days to provide nutrition. They are using a "wound vac" to minimize the risk of infection. During the procedure, they went through 4 units of whole blood, 20 units of platelets and 4 units of fresh frozen plasma. This is in addition to the 7 units of whole blood and 4 units of platelets they used yesterday. He's till not out of the woods, as the risk of infection is really high. At this point, the Dr's believe this was caused by vascular disease and/or atrial fibrillation.
Thanks again.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I'm not really in a writing place

but it's been a while.

So, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all have a great day!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Friday, September 05, 2008

I feel like poo

and really don't feel like posting, but there are a couple of things of importance that I would like to address.
First, Stand Up To Cancer is on this evening, on all three major networks at 7:00 pm CT. I urge you to watch it, and to donate if you can.
Second, BTHO Melanoma is on Sunday the 14th from 10:30-3:30. I BEG you to attend. There are a lot of great items in the silent auction, there will be GREAT BBQ, lots of stuff for the kids to do, and skin cancer screenings (in a nice, private, air conditioned tent. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE try to join us. It would mean a lot to me!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The view.

This is what I saw when I heard, "He's dead."

I was driving home from a weekend in Dallas, a great weekend actually. That greatness came to an abrupt, screeching halt.

I went up to the Fort Worth area this past weekend, but I went up 6 to 35 to get there, so Sunday was the first time I'd been in that spot in almost two years.

It was weird. I was anxious about it the whole day, and distracted. Which isn't a good thing while driving 75 down the interstate. I couldn't remember exactly where I was, but I knew it was after Centerville (that's my DQ stop) because I had stopped there to let Chelsea go potty and to get a frosty treat. That frosty treat was later thrown away. I remembered that I pulled over at a weigh station right after Krystal said those words. So, once I went through Centerville and saw the "All trucks next right if lights flashing" I knew that was it.

I wasn't really prepared for what I felt, and how it hit me. After talking to someone who has become a TERRIFIC friend, I think she nailed it. This time, I knew the truth-there was no doubt that he was dead. If you remember, my phone died shortly after I talked to Krystal so it didn't really SINK in. I didn't REALLY believe it until I got home, plugged my phone in and the voice mails and text messages started piling up from everyone trying to get a hold of me. And then I saw the box of "us" sitting on the table. I'd gotten it down out of the closet to get out the bottle of perfume he'd given me for Valentine's day.

It's so strange the details I remember. I have always been very detail oriented, and remember the strangest, seemingly minute details, but it's even worse when it comes to him.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Right now, I just don't care.

About anything, really.

Because what's the point?

Friday, August 08, 2008

And one time, we danced.

I don't know why this memory has been in my head so prominently the last few days...

I met them at a little restaurant for dinner on my way into town one Friday evening. We had a great meal, and his mom and grandmother headed back to the house. We were headed back to the house too, but made a stop at Coushatta. (I HATE gambling and think it's the biggest waste of money, but I really wanted a drink!) We walked around a bit, him showing me the stuff he worked on while working on the construction projects they did there. Then we made our way to the Miko Room where there is pretty much always live music. They had a nice sized dance floor so we took to it and while the dance floor was pretty crowded, it was like we were the only two people out there.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Google Reader

Mine's all jacked up. Anyone else's messed up?
And it won't let me manage my subscriptions.

Thursday, July 31, 2008


I didn't think that picture of Cowboy and me would be so HUGE when you click on it. THANK YOU Lupron Depot and Ovral 28 for the acne and the brown spots all over my face!


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Chin up, Buttercup, or why one is the loneliest number.

I'm feeling really lonely lately. Usually, I love my alone time, but over the last few weeks I've come to dread it. Last week I invited my friend, we'll call him Cowboy, over for dinner. I've known him for a few years but I hadn't seen him in who knows how long. It's weird, though. No matter how much time passes, it's never uncomfortable with him. He's probably one of the nicest guys I know. The only problem is that he works too hard, and that IS a problem! He's a firefighter in his "real" job, but he works horses and cattle on the side. But "on the side" for him, means pretty much every minute he's not at the fire station.

Dr. Boy is still texting. I haven't seen him in a few weeks, but that's not for lack of him trying.

I've been thinking about how different these two guys are. Take a look:


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Guess I shoulda updated sooner...

Yes, my A/C is fixed. Has been since last Tuesday at 10:00 am. I really do miss those Texas Belgian waffles, though.

It's strange to me that the comments I received were about the A/C, and not about my mom... Maybe that just goes to show that people "GET" how damn hot it is down here?

Monday, July 21, 2008

La Quinta is Spanish for...

I surrender to my house that is currently without A/C.

So I left town Friday evening for a little trip to College Station. My first trip out of town alone since, well, since I can't even remember when, but it's been MONTHS. I got a call Saturday afternoon that my mother had broken her ankle. There was just no way I could get back home Saturday so my sister ended up coming in from LA to stay with her Saturday night.

I got up first thing Sunday morning to head home so sister could get home and get ready for the week. I cleaned house a bit-it was a mess because my intention all week was to clean when I got back from CoSta, and I took mom to the hair shop to have her hair shampooed while I went to her boat to get her some clothes and essentials (my mom lives aboard her boat, for those of you not in the know, which is why it's necessary for her to stay at my house). We got back to my house and I kept getting hotter and hotter and kept checking the thermostat. I kept asking her if she was hot and she kept saying she was fine. When the thermostat read 84* she wasn't fine anymore. I turned the unit off thinking that maybe it had frozen up (it shouldn't have because I wasn't working it that hard but that's usually the first thing a repair company suggests). Well, it got up to 86* and that's when she told me to find a hotel and we'd sneak the dogs in. Chelsea was not doing very well with the heat so leaving them at the house was not an option. Most La Quinta's are pet friendly, and thank goodness the one around the corner from me is so we moved on over there. I've never been so thankful to have air conditioning in my life!

The repair company can't come out until tomorrow but I gave them the sob story of my crippled mom and geriatric dog and she moved me to the top of the schedule for tomorrow morning. Hopefully it's nothing major, but I do have a home warranty so it shouldn't cost me more than $75.

It's been a rough couple of days and I am exhausted and just want to sleep in my bed!

Monday, July 14, 2008

I should have known.

I did, actually. I just should have gotten nosy sooner. Now I'm sitting here biting back tears, and it's totally ridiculous.

There's this guy, we'll call him Dr. Boy, that I've known for about three years or so. We've never been serious. We've actually been the polar opposite of serious, ifyouknowwhatimean, which is NOT me.

Turns out Dr. Boy is engaged. It's amazing what you can find out on MySpace and Facebook without really trying all that hard. I'm not even sure what made me look. I think I actually just wanted to see if HE was on either. You know, it's not so much that he's engaged, yes, it DOES bother me, but what bothers me even more is that he bold face lied to me about it just a couple of months ago.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that my feelings aren't hurt so much because of what Dr. Boy's done, but what Nick did. He lied to me, betrayed me and manipulated me for months. I'd ask if he was seeing someone else, he'd say no and turn it back on me that I was insecure because I was seeing someone else and that that's why it was in my head. I did have other relationships when Nick and I were "on the outs", but I was NEVER with anyone else, or talked to anyone else when he and I were talking or spending time together, and I was completely honest with him about it.

It's just brought up a lot of feelings I thought I was done with.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008


I was tagged by Sara, who I could kiss on the lips for introducing me to Google Reader! If you haven't checked it out yet, do it. Now. You can kiss me later, and then kiss Sara.

Five Habits Meme

What was I doing 10 years ago?
Jeez... I was 22 and that was quite a year. I left one okay paying job for a GREAT paying job, that didn't last and at the time I was crushed and defeated, but my mom gave me the option of moving back in with her and getting back to school full time. I'd been working for a couple of years and had been out on my own taking night classes at the local junior college. I started that Spring semester (1999) at UHCL and it turned out to be the best decision I could have made.

Five snacks I enjoy in a perfect, non-weight gaining world:
Ice cream
Those fried jalapeno string thingies
Peanut M&Ms
French fries

Five snacks I enjoy in the real world:

Fiber One Yogurt
Kashi Go Lean cereal
Peanut butter granola bars
Sugar free pudding
Pretzels with peanut butter

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Adopt a gaggle of children
Donate ridiculous amounts of money to charities like the ASPCA, Hopeline, and the LAF.
Buy a huge piece of property and rescue dogs
Set my family and myself up in a comfortable lifestyle-nothing too over the top, just comfortable

Five jobs I have had:

Exercise physiologist
Crisis Intervention Specialist at a Women's Shelter
Rehab coordinator
Substitute teacher
Compliance Officer

Five habits: (I'm so unoriginal on these things sometimes.)

First thing every morning, I check Myspace, email and Galleywinter (it all has to be done before the boss gets here)

My shower routine is a lot like Sara's. Wash hair and face, rinse, wash hair and body, rinse, condition hair and shave (or maybe not here lately), rinse.

Google Reader! I think I've said enough. Although, I rarely check it over the weekend... it makes for a very fruitful Monday morning. (It's the best invention EVER. Did I already mention that?)

I start every morning with a glass of Simply Apple juice on ice in the back yard while watching the dogs take care of their business.

While I'm getting ready in the mornings, the TV is tuned to GMA. I watched here and there for the last few years, but I've been addicted since Robin Roberts revealed she was battling breast cancer. It's refreshing to see the "cast" of the show really enjoy each other's company. And if they don't, they do a good job of acting like they do.

Five places I have lived:

La Porte
Lake Charles, LA

Five people I’d like to get to know better:
(Meaning, you're it!)
Christy H-The Second Step
Elise-Life's little ups and downs
Jenn-An intern's insanity
Angie-The Jackson 4
Amalia-A broken heart is the only way to be set free

Even if I didn't put you down here, I still want to know more about you!!

Thursday, July 03, 2008

The spark.

We were walking from the main house to my garage apartment after our first date and he put his hand at the "small" of my back (it was certainly smaller then). That's when I felt it. It was like I'd been shocked with static electricity, but I felt it on the inside, not on the surface of my skin the way it usually feels.

And he said, "Did you feel that?"

And that's when I knew he was someone that was going to be very special to me.

God, I miss him.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

"But a tan makes me look healthier..."

I can't tell you how many times I've heard that. Hell, I've probably said it myself. But does THIS look healthy? How about THIS?
Please watch this video clip.

I was all about the "savage tan" until a couple of years ago when I heard my friend Julie had melanoma, and when my mom's boyfriend and I had a long talk about skin cancer. He's had several bouts with basal cell carcinoma, and had one melanoma on his ankle. His never metastasized, thank goodness, but Julie's did. And fast.

THIS website contains very useful information on the different types of skin cancer. There are so many that it's pretty overwhelming.

Most of us are so young that we think we're invincible, that "it", whatever it may be, can't happen to us. Well, Julie was 35 when she died, leaving a husband and three young children. Hallie age 7, Jack age 4 and Kendall age 17 months. The second BTHO Melanoma benefit is September 14th and it's going to be weird without her there. The benefit was REALLY successful in raising money for various charities, and to help the Lyons family with travel expenses to Dallas for Julie's treatments. If you have anything you'd like to donate for the silent auction, please let me know, or send Angie an email through the BTHO website.

For you parents out there: Coolibar makes some great sun protective clothing for the kids, and for you, too.

I'll probably be back at some point to add to this post... There's a lot I want to say about the subject!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Please pray.

First, please pray for my friend, SD. Her ex killed himself a year ago on 7-7-07 and with the anniversary getting so close, she's not doing so great. I hate this for her. I would never wish any of this on my worst enemy.

Second, please pray for the CANTRELLS from Rayne, LA.

And, while you're at it, pray for Steph. She had her second round of chemo yesterday and says she doesn't feel too bad now, but days 3-5 were the worst after her last treatment.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Miss Independent.

Yep. That's me. It was a total bitch to get together and there were many times when I should have called someone over to come help me, but I just couldn't. Anyways, I'm happy with the way it looks. It's a vast improvement over what I was using as my entertainment center. I think it's actually my first piece of "adult" furniture that I've bought myself! Up next, a new bedroom set, but that will be a long time from now.
Before: (there was a little side unit to this that I had already moved when I remembered I wanted to take a picture)


Talk about a fantastic weekend.

I spent a good part of Saturday with one of my most favorite couples:
I spent Sunday with this cool-as-hell chick:

Who looks like this now:
Can you even believe how beautiful she is? I found myself watching her Sunday and not feeling sorry for her, rather wondering how she can possibly be even MORE beautiful without hair than I ever could have imagined. And she is beautiful, isn't she?

My next post: Nicole vs. the 6,928 piece entertainment center.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

My hero.

This was taken a LONG time ago, but I love it. And I love her.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

I'm just sayin'.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

There is no going back.
To that other person.
That other place.
This thing.
This stranger.
She is all you are now.
(From "The Brave One" with Jodie Foster)

That's the picture from my Senior year of high school that I mentioned in a post a few months ago.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Looks sinful, huh?

It's actually not. Tastes just like a Latte, but with about 1/10 the calories. It's a decaf Iced Americano (espresso and water over ice) with sugar free caramel (go for the sugar free vanilla instead-way better) with a bit of skim milk. About 40 calories MAX.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The results.

I have IBS. Yes, that is the best case scenario if it had to be something, but I really would rather it be NOTHING. The endo is enough to deal with.
For now we are going to treat it with a high fiber diet and a fiber supplement (Fiber Sure-check it out if you don't get enough fiber in your diet. It rocks!)
It seems that the worst flair up I've had was because of stress. It was right around the time that I was trying to get the house stuff figured out, and then all of the other daily stuff on top of that sent my colon into overdrive.
See, we don't talk about stuff like this so we don't really know what's normal. I'll tell it like it is. Going to the bathroom once every five or six days IS NOT normal. That's my problem. So I don't go and don't go and don't go, then my colon goes into panic mode and starts spasming like crazy. That's where the intense pain was coming from. So then it's spasming like crazy and I go and I go and I go and it's just been a vicious cycle. I've been taking my supplement twice a day, eating Fiber One cereal (Caramel Delight-it's tasty!), and I've increased my fruit and vegetable intake. I'm feeling better, just a twinge of pain here and there.
Oh, and my second pap came back normal. So YAY for that!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I suppose it could have been worse...

I got home Thursday with just enough time to deal with the dogs, Swiffer the floors and clean the kitchen before I had to start drinking the "stuff". Let me tell you something: NOTHING will ever prepare you for how awful that stuff REALLY is. My piece of advice to you-DO NOT add a flavor pack. The stuff is bad enough on it's own, and that flavor crap just makes it worse. When I took my first drink, I was NOT expecting what I got. I thought it was going to be sweet, like cherry flavored Kool-Aid or something. WRONG. It's salty. Like water from the ocean salty. I don't do salt. I don't salt my food and I don't like salt on the rim of my margarita glass. So, add the saltiness to the nasty fake cherry flavoring and you have a disaster on your hands. THEN, you look at the jug in the fridge to see how much more of that crap you have to choke down. You're only six ounces in and there's no end in sight. I stood in front of the sink for the first three glasses because as soon as I took that straw out of my mouth I would gag uncontrollably. Then I remembered that trick we used to do when we were kids and had to eat stuff like broccoli and cauliflower. I started holding my nose! It worked, but as soon as I let go I could taste it, so then I would immediately take a drink of Gatorade or a bite of Jell-O to mask the taste of it. That was definitely the way to go.
It starts working about an hour after you start drinking. And then it keeps working. And keeps working more after that even. By 9:00 pm I was so exhausted I turned the TV off (missed the last half of Grey's Anatomy,*GASP*, I know!) and was up about every two hours to head to the bathroom. When you head to the store to get the stuff you're allowed to eat (read: drink), don't forget to pick up some "personal" wipes. Isn't that what they call baby wipes that are made for adults? Your hiney will thank you, A LOT.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The pills kicked in about an hour ago.

I'll spare you the details, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I know the really bad stuff starts tonight at 5:00 when I get home and have to start drinking the "Halflytely". It comes with three different flavor packs, lemon lime, orange and cherry. I went with cherry and I have a feeling I am going to regret that decision as I may have an aversion to all things cherry after this. That's what happened with raspberry when I had my tonsils out in 1995. They gave me a Rx for liquid demerol and you're suppose to dilute it in water and drink it. Well, let me tell you that stuff is AWFUL so I started mixing it with some Crystal Light raspberry drink mix. To this day I cannot stomach the taste or smell of anything raspberry flavored.
Wanna see what you can "consume" (read: drink) the day before a colonoscopy?
Broth (fat free)
Sprite, 7-up, Ginger ale
Coffee, regular or decaf (nothing dairy in it, though)
Fruit Juices (strained)
Jell-O (no red)
Popsicles (no red)
Gatorade/Powerade (no red)
Avoid cream soups or any liquid with pulp.
Avoid any kind of ice cream or sherbert.
Now do you see why I'm so damn hungry I could chew my arm off??
I'm going to head home to get a few things done before I have to start drinking that crap. I won't be around a computer for at least a couple of days since I'm still residing in the 19th century and don't have internet access at home.
Wish me luck!

Bouillon sucks

And I'm still hungry.

Well, here it goes.

I just took the first step in prepping for my colonoscopy tomorrow. That first step consists of taking two Bisacodyl tablets. I'm not looking forward to today even a little. I'm starving and can only have clear liquids. :-|
I had an orange jello for breakfast (my favorite is cherry and strawberry, but you can't have anything red-SUCK!) and now I'm working on a cup of decaf from Starbucks. Can I just tell you how hard it was not being able to order my decaf grande iced Americano?
I searched and searched for information on what exactly I could expect from this prep, the procedure itself and for what to expect after the procedure. There's nothing out there. It's like they want to keep it a big secret or something. So, at the risk of embarrassing myself, I'm going to be totally candid here for the next two days. Sure, I might humiliate myself with the details, but if anyone out there goes searching for information, maybe they'll happen upon this blog and won't be so in the dark about it all.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

I have a lot on my mind

But really don't have anything to say.


Tuesday, May 06, 2008

I'm having a hard time believing it.

Another friend from high school died yesterday following a motorcycle accident. He leaves behind a 10 year old son, and numerous friends and family. He was an organ donor, so many lives were saved because he died. But it doesn't make it any better.

Please pray for Bear's (James) family and friends as they go through the next few days of planning a funeral, and for the next few weeks/months/years as they process their loss.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

One down, one to go.

Had my gastro appointment yesterday. She is fantastic. If any of you are in the Clear Lake area and are looking for a gastroenterologist, let me know and email you her name and numbers. Come to think of it, I think she has an office in Houston proper, too.
Anyways, she says it does sound like IBS, but with my family history, we're doing a colonoscopy on May 23rd just to make sure.

Now I just have to get through tomorrow's appointment. I won't know the results from that one for a few days, and waiting for stuff like that is the hardest part.

Thanks for the prayers.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

It happened. Again.

Kris passed Sunday evening in the nursing facility he'd been in for the last few months in Tulsa. I can't imagine what his parents are going through. And I just don't understand how a 32 year old man in the prime of his life could be taken like that.

I hate you, cancer. I hate your guts.

Friday, April 25, 2008

I'm not gonna lie

I'm nervous as hell.

I have my gastro appointment next week. Well, I also got news a couple of weeks ago that my pap came back "abnormal". I did a round of the most awful antibiotic treatment imaginable and return for another pap next Thursday. I went through this in 1998 and was diagnosed with cervical dysplasia and had LEEP. All of my paps since then have been fine, so you can imagine my surprise when I got that call from the nurse. I've been trying really hard not to freak out, to just take it as it comes. But it's hard. Really hard. Especially with all of the pain and "weirdness" I've been feeling lately.

So, if you'd send a couple up for me, I'd really appreciate it. I'm sure it's all nothing, but it's hard to not get too deep in my head sometimes-I'm alone an awful lot, ya know!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Be careful, your head might explode.

I've updated with all of the blogs that were on MySpace.

Some news:
I bought a house. I moved in last Thursday, well, all of the big stuff. I have a couple of loads left at the apartment, but I've not been feeling well so I haven't gone to get any of it this week as I'd planned. I don't have to be out until the end of the month, so there's really no hurry, but I just want to get it done.
I'm healing, and it feels good. I haven't forgotten him, I never will, but it's not so raw. Not so painful. Buying the house was a big step in moving forward, and moving forward has been a huge problem for the last year and a half.
I had another laparoscopy in January for my endo. It was everywhere, again. I went to see Dr. K (my gyn) last week and based on the location of my pain now, he thinks I have IBS. I have an appointment with a gastoenterologist on the 29th. With my family's history of colon cancer and cancerous/pre-cancerous polyps, we (my mom and I) decided to just not take any chances.

Well, that's about it for now. Thanks for checking in.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

I can't believe it's been 15 years.

15 years ago today I was a survivor of suicide for the first time. It was my junior year of high school and my friend Jay shot himself in the school parking lot. I don’t actually remember if he died on March 31st, or April 1st, but since I found out April 1st, that’s the day I remember him.
I was at my locker and was running late for first period which was Photography. I ran into my friend Shannon in the hall as I was running to class and she stopped me and told me that Jay was dead. Well, I’ve never been big on April Fool’s jokes, and this was certainly the LEAST funny joke ever. I made sure she knew I didn’t think she was funny and that’s when she looked up from her locker and I realized she wasn’t joking. Well, kind of realized it. Reality didn’t set in until I walked into the Photog classroom and didn’t see him in the chair in front of mine. I lost it and went straight into the lab while Mr. Caldarera broke the news to the class, and then I think there was an announcement made over the PA system. I was in the lab with my friend Stephanie and Mr. C’s assistant Mrs. Hamilton, who was my angel that morning.
You see, Jay and I were lab partners, meaning we pretty much had to share EVERYTHING. He wasn’t as serious about the class as I was and I managed to get pissed at him just about every day. We bickered like we were brother and sister.
I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. He would have accomplished great things if he hadn’t given up.
I miss you, Jay, and think of you often. I hope you’re up there kicking Nick’s ass for what he’s done, and Izzy’s ass, too. Oh, and can you somehow talk some sense into our friend from up there?

Friday, February 29, 2008

Happy Leap Year

Four years ago I asked Nick to marry me. I was kidding, kind of. Apparently, it's appropriate for a woman to propose to man on February 29th.

"Rules of courtship are quite different these days (and much less strict), but long ago women who were hoping to marry had to wait for their beaus to propose. They were not "allowed" to pop the question themselves, except on one day: on a leap year (February 29th) -- also known as Sadie Hawkins Day -- which occurs every four years. The tradition dates back hundreds of years, to when the leap year was not recognized by English law; the day was simply "leapt over" and ignored. Since it had no legal status, formal traditions did not apply on this day. Consequently, women who were not content to wait for a proposal took advantage of this anomaly and popped the question themselves. It was also thought that since leap year corrected the discrepancy between the calendar year (365 days) and the time it takes for the earth to complete one orbit of the sun (365 days and 6 hours), it was an opportunity for women to correct a tradition that was one-sided and unfair. Go ladies of yore!"

He obviously said no, but explained that when he proposed to me, he knew exactly how and where he was going to do it. Of course, I never found out what he'd had planned. I sure wish I had.
His 33rd birthday is next Sunday, March 9th.