Wednesday, November 30, 2005

A $100 pina colada and a blown vein, all before 8 am!

Yeah. Except it wasn't a real pina colada, it was that contrast fluid stuff you have to drink for a CT scan. Oh. My. Gosh. That stuff was disgusting. I asked for an emesis basin and they thought I was kidding until I started gagging. I went in thinking that I would either have to drink the nasty stuff, OR have the die injected. I had to do both! I told them all that it was a conspiracy because I hate needles and have a really sensitive gag reflex and that someone must hate me and is seeking revenge. They all laughed. Glad I could offer some comic relief at 6:30 am on a Wednesday. So the tech takes me back, I get on the table and he breaks it to me that I have to have a needle so he could administer the other contrast fluid intravenously. Poor guy, I think he got scared because of the look I gave him. He does the first scan without the contrast fluid, then comes over to inject the die and feels the vein go, and then I felt the vein go. That shit hurts! He felt really bad, although I don't think it was anything he did. He was trying to keep me as comfortable (comfortable being warm) as possible and just pushed the sleeve to my sweater up which apparently served as a tourniquet, which wasn't a good thing? So, all in all, it's been a bang up morning! I would post the pictures of my insides if I could figure out how to get just one off the disc....
Well, here are some slides...not sure exactly what we're seeing here. Oh, and if a radiologist happens to see these, just let me know if there is good news. If there is bad news, shut your cake hole.

Monday, November 21, 2005

So that's the bracelet Nick gave me for my birthday last year. Well, that's not the exact bracelet, mine is sterling sliver (that one is pewter) and the toggle is a little different. It's called a Humanity Bracelet.
Yesterday was a yucky day. And I can't really figure out why. Was it because of this stupid pill I've been on? Was I just really lonely? Was I thinking about Nick too much? Was it because this whole turning 30 thing is way bigger than it should be, or than I even want it to be? You know, I think the fact that I am going to be 30 is so hard because of where I am in my life...No husband, no kids, nothing that's really MINE. I mean I still rent, I am still paying off my car, and I still have student loan debt (so my degrees really aren't MINE).
Back to the bracelet...I don't wear it very often because Nick seems to play in my head little more on the days that I DO... But I wore it yesterday to have lunch with my best friend of 16 years and her husband and their children. After lunch I found myself thinking a lot about the bracelet, its significance, and whether or not I should really wear it. The bracelet symbolizes a lot to me, and not just because Nick gave it to me... I realize more and more that while I feel like I reflect a lot of what the bracelet is symbolic of, there are things I really need to work on. Maybe then I'll feel happy and whole.
Loyalty: I am loyal to a fault. I take a lot that I shouldn't, and I often stuff it deep down and make myself miserable.
Unity: I'm not really sure what to make of this one....
Passion: I don't think I am passionate enough.
Joy: I am definitely NOT joyful enough. I know I am lucky. I have a great family and friends that most other people would love to have. I am healthy, for the most part, I mean, I'm not going to die tomorrow (that I know of anyways).
Kindness: I think that for the most part I am kind. I often go out of my way to make sure the people I love are happy with me, sometimes that leads to my being miserable.
Humor: I often find humor in situations where others might not...
Hope: I know I am not hopeful enough...
Courage: I used to be courageous. Not so much these days.
Love: I love too much. Plain and simple. I give my heart freely, and it almost always backfires.
Trust: This could go two ways...I am trustworthy, at least I think I am, and since I am concentrating on my feelings of myself, we'll go with that. I don't really trust anyone though. I don't really think there is one single person in my life who I could trust to be there for me NO MATTER WHAT. I want that. I really do.
Honor: Not really sure what to make of this one either.
Family: I probably have the best family ever. Don't get me wrong, we have our issues, but at the end of the day, we are exactly what a family should be.
Truth: I am honest, almost to a fault. Basically, don't come to me for advice unless you want the God's honest truth as to what I think.
Charity: Well, I donate $50 a month to St. Judes...I would do more if I could.

I am really in a strange place. Thanksgiving is in 3 days and I just want to stay home. I can't think of anything better than having 4 days of just ME time. But if I did that the family would throw a fit. All 36 of them.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

What day is it?

Half Nekkid Thursday!
Rock on HNTers!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Happy HNT

In honor of tonight's festivities, I give you Mr. Wade Bowen. I want THAT pick.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

A City of Blue

That's what Lake Charles was to me this weekend, both literally and figuratively. Mostly because it seemed as though every roof had at least one blue tarp draped across it. It was dark when we drove in Friday evening so I didn't really get to see much, but as we were driving to my mawmaw and pawpaw's on Saturday morning I don't really think I was prepared for what I was going to see. On my sister's street of about 11 houses, only one didn't have a tree fall onto it, and the people that live there won't talk to the neighbors because they think the neighbor's resent them. That makes me sad. On the street leading in my grandparent's "neighborhood", there was one house that has been declared a total loss because the tree that fell onto it was MASSIVE and crushed a good portion of the NE corner to the ground. The owner's were there Sunday morning cleaning up the yard so we stopped to talk to them. They are having to stay with family in Moss Bluff (a small town just North of Lake Charles) because there is virtually no rental property in or around Lake Charles.
We went to birthday party on Saturday and it was heartbreaking to sit and listen to everyone exchanging stories. All I have is a story about sitting in traffic for 10 hours. Not much of a story compared to people who have trees in their homes, you know?
Most of the stores close early now too, that was strange. By 8:00 everything in town is pretty much shut down, and if you do go to a restaurant, you can only order certain things and can only pay with cash. I would be screwed because I never order anything directly off the menu ANYWHERE.
As bad as it was though, I kept thinking that it could have been so much worse. Look at Cameron, Grand Chenier, Carlyss and Big Lake...they were practically wiped off the map. I know it's hard for my sister to understand that she should be thankful for what she has, but it was so hard not to stand her in front of one of the other houses that is much worse than hers.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Happy HNT!

Have a great one!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

One of my friends has that stitched on a pillow that she keeps on her bed. Since the first time I saw it a few years ago, I think of that rather than 'If it's not one thing, it's another.'
I had an appointment with Dr. Korman this morning. We are going to switch my pills although he is not too keen on the idea. I just can't continue gaining weight like this, and my emotions are OFF THE CHART. I cry just about every single day, and usually for no reason. Or for some really stupid reason like a TV commercial, and not those sappy Hallmark ones either, just random commercials that no one else gives a second thought to. So, it's off the Seasonale and on to Yazmin for 2 months straight to see how it goes.
We also talked about my "bladder symptoms". No, I'm not peeing in my pants or anything. He thinks I may have interstitial cystitis, which I had already figured out. I've got to make an appointment with a urologist for sometime this week or next. Take a looksee, don't you want IC too?? Fun stuff. http://
I've gotten really good at self diagnosis. And not the hypochondriac self diagnosis either.
It's sad that that's automatically what people think when you complain about something, or more than one thing. When you've got a chronic illness, disease, condition, whatever you want to call it, the worst thing in the WORLD is when people act like you are making it up. If you've never had a chronic disease, then you have NO IDEA what it is like to live in pain or discomfort day in and day out. So be empathetic, not apathetic.
And then there is the grandma stuff. First the "broken shoulder", now breast cancer. Seriously. I don't know what I would do if she were to die. I mean, I know she will eventually, but I've struggled with her and my pawpaw's mortality a lot over the past few years. My memories of all the summers I spent with them are the BEST memories I have of my childhood, and I want my children (if I am able to have children) to meet them and have the chance to make memories with them too, even if they are just memories that I have to relay to them as they get older.
Goodness. This isn't a very happy entry. Well, hopefully I'll have a great HNT picture to make up for it...
Oh, and while I am at it, Craig called me a "big ass liar". It makes me laugh even more to know that he lied on his myspace about having a college degree. He doesn't. He told me he never graduated. So....HA, motherfucker, HA.