Thursday, May 25, 2006

Happy news.

He's coming to see me this weekend. Hopefully Saturday, but definitely Sunday-Monday evening. He hasn't been here in about a year and half. I have no idea what we'll do. The chance for rain keeps increasing for Sunday. I guess I wouldn't really mind if we have to hole up in the apartment for a couple of days. I'm sure we could find some way to entertain one another...

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I give up.

One of my friends from high school has been trying to lose weight. I know that I look like I don't know ANYTHING about fitness, and I would understand such treatment if she didn't know my background. But she does, and the way she treats me, and the advice I offer her, with total disregard really upsets me. I mean, she knows that I have my Master of Arts Degree(as well as my Bachelor of Science Degree) in Fitness and Human Performance, yet she still checks with a friend of hers who has only gained "knowledge" through magazines. And we all know that you can believe EVERYTHING you read in magazines such as "Muscle and Fiction(Fitness)"

It shouldn't bother me so much, but it does.

In other news...
I am making a lot of effort to lose the weight I have gained since the endo started really affecting my daily life. I am sure there are people out there who are saying "excuses, excuses". Well, I could give two shits about anyone saying that because I would bet my right arm that anyone saying that has never been in some kind of pain just about every day for the last two years. And you know something else that is really bothering me these days? The people who say, "Oh, I know what you mean about cramps." It's all I can do to bite my tongue and not say, "OH, do you? You have cramps, what, two or three days a MONTH? Try having those cramps 9.5 days out of 10, then we'll talk."
Back to the weight loss thing. Before the endo was at its worst, beginning in April 2004, I had lost 48 pounds. I was down to 160 from my highest weight ever which was 208 (I am sure everyone who reads this could do the math, but you never really know.... ;-) ) From the time of my first surgery, to the second one, I gained about 30 pounds. 30 pounds in about a year. Ridiculous. I beat myself up on a daily basis. I was about 2/3 of the way to my original goal of 135 pounds. I'll get there though. I will. Period.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Sweetest thing. Ever.

Nick and I talked for a pretty long time last night, mostly about what we had done over the weekend, and plans for the week. At one point there was kind of a break in the conversation and he said, "Well, I hate to be all mushy and stuff, but I heard this song yesterday on my way home from work and it reminded me of you. Of us." He had the artist wrong at first, but went out to his truck to get the CD so he could tell me what song it was. Turns out it's a Tim McGraw song off the "Set This Circus Down" CD, which I bought when it was released in 2001 for one song, and one song only-"Angry All the Time". I don't think I ever listened to the entire thing because the song he was talking about was totally new to me. As I was listening to it I got tears in my eyes, which happens a lot these days, but that song said things to me that I know Nick never would have been able to. And that makes my heart more happy than you could ever know.

Take Me Away From Here

My body burns
Like there’s a desert deep in me
A thirsty soul so unsatisfied
But there you are like a river to the sea
The one chance I have to change my life...

Take my away from here
Make it seem like we're a million miles away
Another time another place
Make me a different man
Move me farther than I’ve ever been before
Show me thats there's somethin' more

Sometimes I feel like I’m trapped inside myself
Spinning wheels goin up and down, 'round and 'round
Going nowere just like everybody else
With no touch, no sight, no sound
But you could

Take me away from here
Make it seem like we’re a million miles away
Another time another place
Make me a different man
Move me farther than I’ve been before
Show me that’s there somethin more

Give me hopes and .
dreams to fill my head
Push my heart,
so I can fly again

Take me away from here
Make it seem like we’re a million miles away
Another time another place
Make me a different man
Move me farther than I’ve been before
Show me that’s there’s something more

Take me away from here
Take me away from here
Take me away from here
Take me away from here

Friday, May 19, 2006

I was wrong.

I do get butterflies when I talk to Nick. My bad.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Damn butterflies.

And I'm not talking about the insect variety. I'm talking about the ones that make you feel anxious and antsy, and sometimes nauseas. I haven't felt this in a LONG time, and I guess I'm happy to know that I still can, but then again, I don't like it. Not one single bit.

I guess I've got a little bit of a crush on someone. I don't think it ever would have happened if someone hadn't brought up the fact that he's cute, and that she thought we'd be cute together. I've always thought he was cute, and really nice, but I never thought about being interested in him. Now, any time I think about him, or see a picture of him, I get that fluttery feeling. Now that I think about it, I don't think I got that fluttery feeling when I saw Nick a couple of weeks ago. Hmmm.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

3 for 3.

Another pretty great weekend. I got to see my nieces, my sister, my grandparents, a few cousins, and a couple of aunts.
The bonus was that I got to see him.

I can't wait for this weekend. I will only go out Friday night for Sinko de Mayo (I like MMJ's story) and I will do NADA for the rest of the weekend. Nothing that requires me to spend money, that is.

Also. The shoes in my last entry were, in fact, horrendous. The colors are TOTALLY off on the website. I will take a picture of them so you can see how awful they REALLY are. They are going back, pronto like.