Thursday, December 07, 2006
I can't help but wonder if he still felt that way, even after all of the nasty things we said to one another. One of his last text messages to me said something along the lines of, "Well, at least now I am seeing the real you." My reply was, "Now you know that isn't true, Nick. You've hurt me more than I ever thought possible."
It made me realize that he really thought I was a good person, and that I had shattered that image with the nasty, overly emotional things I had said to him the last time we talked. I hope he hears me telling him how sorry I am, and how much I love and miss him.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
No thank you.
I would seriously just like to skip it. I can't imagine not getting a phone call or text message from him. It didn't matter if we were angry with one another, on a "break", or just hadn't talked in a while for whatever reason, we ALWAYS talked on birthdays and holidays.
If I could fast forward to January, I would do it in a heartbeat. Maybe then I'd be one step closer to being okay. I try. I try really hard to be okay, to not think about it, and just when I start thinking I am doing a good job... Then the bottom breaks out.