The pills kicked in about an hour ago.

I'll spare you the details, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I know the really bad stuff starts tonight at 5:00 when I get home and have to start drinking the "Halflytely". It comes with three different flavor packs, lemon lime, orange and cherry. I went with cherry and I have a feeling I am going to regret that decision as I may have an aversion to all things cherry after this. That's what happened with raspberry when I had my tonsils out in 1995. They gave me a Rx for liquid demerol and you're suppose to dilute it in water and drink it. Well, let me tell you that stuff is AWFUL so I started mixing it with some Crystal Light raspberry drink mix. To this day I cannot stomach the taste or smell of anything raspberry flavored.
Wanna see what you can "consume" (read: drink) the day before a colonoscopy?
Broth (fat free)
Bouillon
Sprite, 7-up, Ginger ale
Coffee, regular or decaf (nothing dairy in it, though)
Fruit Juices (strained)
Jell-O (no red)
Popsicles (no red)
Tea
Gatorade/Powerade (no red)
Avoid cream soups or any liquid with pulp.
Avoid any kind of ice cream or sherbert.
Now do you see why I'm so damn hungry I could chew my arm off??
I'm going to head home to get a few things done before I have to start drinking that crap. I won't be around a computer for at least a couple of days since I'm still residing in the 19th century and don't have internet access at home.
Wish me luck!

Bouillon sucks

And I'm still hungry.

Well, here it goes.

I just took the first step in prepping for my colonoscopy tomorrow. That first step consists of taking two Bisacodyl tablets. I'm not looking forward to today even a little. I'm starving and can only have clear liquids. :-|
I had an orange jello for breakfast (my favorite is cherry and strawberry, but you can't have anything red-SUCK!) and now I'm working on a cup of decaf from Starbucks. Can I just tell you how hard it was not being able to order my decaf grande iced Americano?
I searched and searched for information on what exactly I could expect from this prep, the procedure itself and for what to expect after the procedure. There's nothing out there. It's like they want to keep it a big secret or something. So, at the risk of embarrassing myself, I'm going to be totally candid here for the next two days. Sure, I might humiliate myself with the details, but if anyone out there goes searching for information, maybe they'll happen upon this blog and won't be so in the dark about it all.

I have a lot on my mind

But really don't have anything to say.

Huh.

I'm having a hard time believing it.

Another friend from high school died yesterday following a motorcycle accident. He leaves behind a 10 year old son, and numerous friends and family. He was an organ donor, so many lives were saved because he died. But it doesn't make it any better.

Please pray for Bear's (James) family and friends as they go through the next few days of planning a funeral, and for the next few weeks/months/years as they process their loss.

One down, one to go.

Had my gastro appointment yesterday. She is fantastic. If any of you are in the Clear Lake area and are looking for a gastroenterologist, let me know and email you her name and numbers. Come to think of it, I think she has an office in Houston proper, too.
Anyways, she says it does sound like IBS, but with my family history, we're doing a colonoscopy on May 23rd just to make sure.

Now I just have to get through tomorrow's appointment. I won't know the results from that one for a few days, and waiting for stuff like that is the hardest part.

Thanks for the prayers.

It happened. Again.

Kris passed Sunday evening in the nursing facility he'd been in for the last few months in Tulsa. I can't imagine what his parents are going through. And I just don't understand how a 32 year old man in the prime of his life could be taken like that.

I hate you, cancer. I hate your guts.

I'm not gonna lie

I'm nervous as hell.

I have my gastro appointment next week. Well, I also got news a couple of weeks ago that my pap came back "abnormal". I did a round of the most awful antibiotic treatment imaginable and return for another pap next Thursday. I went through this in 1998 and was diagnosed with cervical dysplasia and had LEEP. All of my paps since then have been fine, so you can imagine my surprise when I got that call from the nurse. I've been trying really hard not to freak out, to just take it as it comes. But it's hard. Really hard. Especially with all of the pain and "weirdness" I've been feeling lately.

So, if you'd send a couple up for me, I'd really appreciate it. I'm sure it's all nothing, but it's hard to not get too deep in my head sometimes-I'm alone an awful lot, ya know!

Be careful, your head might explode.

I've updated with all of the blogs that were on MySpace.

Some news:
I bought a house. I moved in last Thursday, well, all of the big stuff. I have a couple of loads left at the apartment, but I've not been feeling well so I haven't gone to get any of it this week as I'd planned. I don't have to be out until the end of the month, so there's really no hurry, but I just want to get it done.
I'm healing, and it feels good. I haven't forgotten him, I never will, but it's not so raw. Not so painful. Buying the house was a big step in moving forward, and moving forward has been a huge problem for the last year and a half.
I had another laparoscopy in January for my endo. It was everywhere, again. I went to see Dr. K (my gyn) last week and based on the location of my pain now, he thinks I have IBS. I have an appointment with a gastoenterologist on the 29th. With my family's history of colon cancer and cancerous/pre-cancerous polyps, we (my mom and I) decided to just not take any chances.

Well, that's about it for now. Thanks for checking in.

I can't believe it's been 15 years.

15 years ago today I was a survivor of suicide for the first time. It was my junior year of high school and my friend Jay shot himself in the school parking lot. I don’t actually remember if he died on March 31st, or April 1st, but since I found out April 1st, that’s the day I remember him.
I was at my locker and was running late for first period which was Photography. I ran into my friend Shannon in the hall as I was running to class and she stopped me and told me that Jay was dead. Well, I’ve never been big on April Fool’s jokes, and this was certainly the LEAST funny joke ever. I made sure she knew I didn’t think she was funny and that’s when she looked up from her locker and I realized she wasn’t joking. Well, kind of realized it. Reality didn’t set in until I walked into the Photog classroom and didn’t see him in the chair in front of mine. I lost it and went straight into the lab while Mr. Caldarera broke the news to the class, and then I think there was an announcement made over the PA system. I was in the lab with my friend Stephanie and Mr. C’s assistant Mrs. Hamilton, who was my angel that morning.
You see, Jay and I were lab partners, meaning we pretty much had to share EVERYTHING. He wasn’t as serious about the class as I was and I managed to get pissed at him just about every day. We bickered like we were brother and sister.
I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. He would have accomplished great things if he hadn’t given up.
I miss you, Jay, and think of you often. I hope you’re up there kicking Nick’s ass for what he’s done, and Izzy’s ass, too. Oh, and can you somehow talk some sense into our friend from up there?