Thursday, August 25, 2005

Here we go

Not really sure why I am doing this. It seems like most blogs are censored, or cryptic so that the readers don't really know what's going on. What's the point? If I wanted to write in diary that no one else could read, then I would.
It seems that since I was diagnosed with endo a ton of other people that I "know" have been diagnosed as well. While it helps to be able to talk to people who have gone through, or are going through it, it's not the same as it would be if one of my really close friends knew what it's like. Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER wish this on anyone, but to have someone that I could always rely on would be really great. My dad has been great through it all, but there is only so much uterus and ovary talk that he can handle. After my surgery in April I had to start naming my anatomy in terms of car parts so he could deal. My mom, yeah, she's been pretty absent through it all. My surgery was April 15th and I didn't get a call from her until April 19th. Now I have doctors appointments about every 3-4 weeks and even if she knows about it ahead of time I never get a call to see how it went.
I've realized a couple of things over the last couple of months. I'm paranoid, and I don't like it at all. It's like if someone doesn't call me right back, or write me back away, then I think I have done something to make them angry. Now, you would think that I would KNOW when I have done something, but for some reason it totally escapes me. Is that totally retarded? I am sure it is. I am also consumed by what other people think about me. Why in the world does that matter? I mean, I am good person, I can be a lot of fun (most of the time, but the endo knocks me to my knees sometimes) and I am a very good listener and LOYAL to the end. This should make me feel better about myself. Why doesn't it?
Well, I'll have to collect some more thoughts. Hasta luego.

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