That's what Lake Charles was to me this weekend, both literally and figuratively. Mostly because it seemed as though every roof had at least one blue tarp draped across it. It was dark when we drove in Friday evening so I didn't really get to see much, but as we were driving to my mawmaw and pawpaw's on Saturday morning I don't really think I was prepared for what I was going to see. On my sister's street of about 11 houses, only one didn't have a tree fall onto it, and the people that live there won't talk to the neighbors because they think the neighbor's resent them. That makes me sad. On the street leading in my grandparent's "neighborhood", there was one house that has been declared a total loss because the tree that fell onto it was MASSIVE and crushed a good portion of the NE corner to the ground. The owner's were there Sunday morning cleaning up the yard so we stopped to talk to them. They are having to stay with family in Moss Bluff (a small town just North of Lake Charles) because there is virtually no rental property in or around Lake Charles.
We went to birthday party on Saturday and it was heartbreaking to sit and listen to everyone exchanging stories. All I have is a story about sitting in traffic for 10 hours. Not much of a story compared to people who have trees in their homes, you know?
Most of the stores close early now too, that was strange. By 8:00 everything in town is pretty much shut down, and if you do go to a restaurant, you can only order certain things and can only pay with cash. I would be screwed because I never order anything directly off the menu ANYWHERE.
As bad as it was though, I kept thinking that it could have been so much worse. Look at Cameron, Grand Chenier, Carlyss and Big Lake...they were practically wiped off the map. I know it's hard for my sister to understand that she should be thankful for what she has, but it was so hard not to stand her in front of one of the other houses that is much worse than hers.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
One of my friends has that stitched on a pillow that she keeps on her bed. Since the first time I saw it a few years ago, I think of that rather than 'If it's not one thing, it's another.'
I had an appointment with Dr. Korman this morning. We are going to switch my pills although he is not too keen on the idea. I just can't continue gaining weight like this, and my emotions are OFF THE CHART. I cry just about every single day, and usually for no reason. Or for some really stupid reason like a TV commercial, and not those sappy Hallmark ones either, just random commercials that no one else gives a second thought to. So, it's off the Seasonale and on to Yazmin for 2 months straight to see how it goes.
We also talked about my "bladder symptoms". No, I'm not peeing in my pants or anything. He thinks I may have interstitial cystitis, which I had already figured out. I've got to make an appointment with a urologist for sometime this week or next. Take a looksee, don't you want IC too?? Fun stuff. http://http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/interstitialcystitis/#2
I've gotten really good at self diagnosis. And not the hypochondriac self diagnosis either.
It's sad that that's automatically what people think when you complain about something, or more than one thing. When you've got a chronic illness, disease, condition, whatever you want to call it, the worst thing in the WORLD is when people act like you are making it up. If you've never had a chronic disease, then you have NO IDEA what it is like to live in pain or discomfort day in and day out. So be empathetic, not apathetic.
And then there is the grandma stuff. First the "broken shoulder", now breast cancer. Seriously. I don't know what I would do if she were to die. I mean, I know she will eventually, but I've struggled with her and my pawpaw's mortality a lot over the past few years. My memories of all the summers I spent with them are the BEST memories I have of my childhood, and I want my children (if I am able to have children) to meet them and have the chance to make memories with them too, even if they are just memories that I have to relay to them as they get older.
Goodness. This isn't a very happy entry. Well, hopefully I'll have a great HNT picture to make up for it...
Oh, and while I am at it, Craig called me a "big ass liar". It makes me laugh even more to know that he lied on his myspace about having a college degree. He doesn't. He told me he never graduated. So....HA, motherfucker, HA.
I had an appointment with Dr. Korman this morning. We are going to switch my pills although he is not too keen on the idea. I just can't continue gaining weight like this, and my emotions are OFF THE CHART. I cry just about every single day, and usually for no reason. Or for some really stupid reason like a TV commercial, and not those sappy Hallmark ones either, just random commercials that no one else gives a second thought to. So, it's off the Seasonale and on to Yazmin for 2 months straight to see how it goes.
We also talked about my "bladder symptoms". No, I'm not peeing in my pants or anything. He thinks I may have interstitial cystitis, which I had already figured out. I've got to make an appointment with a urologist for sometime this week or next. Take a looksee, don't you want IC too?? Fun stuff. http://http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/interstitialcystitis/#2
I've gotten really good at self diagnosis. And not the hypochondriac self diagnosis either.
It's sad that that's automatically what people think when you complain about something, or more than one thing. When you've got a chronic illness, disease, condition, whatever you want to call it, the worst thing in the WORLD is when people act like you are making it up. If you've never had a chronic disease, then you have NO IDEA what it is like to live in pain or discomfort day in and day out. So be empathetic, not apathetic.
And then there is the grandma stuff. First the "broken shoulder", now breast cancer. Seriously. I don't know what I would do if she were to die. I mean, I know she will eventually, but I've struggled with her and my pawpaw's mortality a lot over the past few years. My memories of all the summers I spent with them are the BEST memories I have of my childhood, and I want my children (if I am able to have children) to meet them and have the chance to make memories with them too, even if they are just memories that I have to relay to them as they get older.
Goodness. This isn't a very happy entry. Well, hopefully I'll have a great HNT picture to make up for it...
Oh, and while I am at it, Craig called me a "big ass liar". It makes me laugh even more to know that he lied on his myspace about having a college degree. He doesn't. He told me he never graduated. So....HA, motherfucker, HA.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Crash
If you haven't seen it, you should rent it. I originally wanted to see it because of Sandra Bullock, my girl crush, but then I had people telling me it wasn't very good, so I wanted to see it even more. That's one thing about me...don't tell me I shouldn't do something, or not to do something, because sure as shit I WILL do it. Crash is a little Grand Conyon-ish...as in it's alot of individual stories that eventually mesh into one, kind of.
It's been a while since I've written...kinda been a "mood" lately. And work has been hell for the last few weeks.
I got to get my poop in a group. I'm feeling blah lately.
It's been a while since I've written...kinda been a "mood" lately. And work has been hell for the last few weeks.
I got to get my poop in a group. I'm feeling blah lately.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Entitlement.
Well, I was going to post this a while back, but other things came up and I just didn't get around to it.
Americans piss me off. I'm an American, so I feel I can say that, and I'm going to. If you don't like it, then you surely won't like the rest of this post so I suggest you go somewhere else. It just amazes me that "most" of the people affected, displaced, etc. by Katrina felt/feel entitled to help from the government, be it local, state or federal, and even to help from private agencies, Red Cross, Salvation Army, etc. Do these people NOT understand that NO ONE has to do anything to help them?? I mean, look at the people affected by the December 2004 tsunami. Do you think they EXPECTED anything from ANYONE? Probably not. And I bet some of them kissed the feet of the people who went over there to assist them when their own government did not have the means to. I know this is going to bring about the whole "our government can get aid to other countries 'this fast' ", yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. It really angers me when people think that they DESERVE something, yet when something bad happens all you hear is, "I don't deserve this." If you think you deserve something "good", then why don't you deserve something "bad"? Shit happens. Deal with it.
You want to know what REALLY angered me last week? The Katrina evacuees moaning and groaning because they were having to be re-evacuated. Um, okay, so we should leave you here to fend for yourselves. Yeah, that really worked out for you last time didn't it? And you know if they hadn't been "forced" to re-evacuate and Rita had come to Houston all HELL would have broken loose. All we would be hearing right now is "the government FAILED us again, why me, why me?". Give me a damn break. I have so had enough. So help me if another hurricane hits the Gulf Coast I am moving to NEBRASKA.
I received an article from my aunt and will post the link towards the end of this...I was going to post it on Galley but things are pretty touchy right now in the wake of two incredibly catastrophic storms, and I am so NOT going to be the one to stir it up! http://jewishworldreview.com/0905/graham092805.php3
This really isn't everything I wanted to say, but I am going to see my sister and my nieces who have been "displaced" by Rita and her careless decision to drop a tree on top of, or rather into, their house, and who are having to deal with this while my BIL is in New Orleans helping with that reconstruction. Oh, and you know something else? Does my sister expect a debit card from FEMA or the Red Cross, or a room on a cruise ship, or a free apartment? NO! She is doing what needs to be done to make sure her family stays healthy.
Take that.
Americans piss me off. I'm an American, so I feel I can say that, and I'm going to. If you don't like it, then you surely won't like the rest of this post so I suggest you go somewhere else. It just amazes me that "most" of the people affected, displaced, etc. by Katrina felt/feel entitled to help from the government, be it local, state or federal, and even to help from private agencies, Red Cross, Salvation Army, etc. Do these people NOT understand that NO ONE has to do anything to help them?? I mean, look at the people affected by the December 2004 tsunami. Do you think they EXPECTED anything from ANYONE? Probably not. And I bet some of them kissed the feet of the people who went over there to assist them when their own government did not have the means to. I know this is going to bring about the whole "our government can get aid to other countries 'this fast' ", yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. It really angers me when people think that they DESERVE something, yet when something bad happens all you hear is, "I don't deserve this." If you think you deserve something "good", then why don't you deserve something "bad"? Shit happens. Deal with it.
You want to know what REALLY angered me last week? The Katrina evacuees moaning and groaning because they were having to be re-evacuated. Um, okay, so we should leave you here to fend for yourselves. Yeah, that really worked out for you last time didn't it? And you know if they hadn't been "forced" to re-evacuate and Rita had come to Houston all HELL would have broken loose. All we would be hearing right now is "the government FAILED us again, why me, why me?". Give me a damn break. I have so had enough. So help me if another hurricane hits the Gulf Coast I am moving to NEBRASKA.
I received an article from my aunt and will post the link towards the end of this...I was going to post it on Galley but things are pretty touchy right now in the wake of two incredibly catastrophic storms, and I am so NOT going to be the one to stir it up! http://jewishworldreview.com/0905/graham092805.php3
This really isn't everything I wanted to say, but I am going to see my sister and my nieces who have been "displaced" by Rita and her careless decision to drop a tree on top of, or rather into, their house, and who are having to deal with this while my BIL is in New Orleans helping with that reconstruction. Oh, and you know something else? Does my sister expect a debit card from FEMA or the Red Cross, or a room on a cruise ship, or a free apartment? NO! She is doing what needs to be done to make sure her family stays healthy.
Take that.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Damn endo.
I went to my first Houston Endometriosis Association Support Group meeting last night. Pretty informative, although most of the women have tried some things that seem pretty out there. I am just not into the whole "hollistic" thing. If they had said anything about it really helping their symptoms, that would be one thing, but they all pretty much said it hadn't helped very much. I am having a crap load of pain today, to the point of getting dizzy and nauseaus. I have way too much to do this evening and all I want to do is go home and curl up in bed with my heating pad, ice pack and my book.
I am usually not a baby about weather stuff, but this Rita crap has me freaked out.
Ugh. I am not into writing right now.
Later.
I am usually not a baby about weather stuff, but this Rita crap has me freaked out.
Ugh. I am not into writing right now.
Later.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Yay me! Maybe...
I have a phone interview for that position at the YMCA that I wrote about last week. I am trying not to get my hopes up, I tend to do that. What I don't understand, why is it a phone interview? I mean, I live here in town. I've only had to do phone interviews when it was for a position out of town. Oh well, be thinking about me Friday at 6:00 pm (strange time, I know).
Monday, September 12, 2005
An update of sorts
Well, Nick and I actually talked, like, had a real conversation, not just text messages. He mentioned coming to visit me. I am not sure what to think about that. I know a few weeks ago I said he was "the one", but I think I was just really lonely. Not that I am any LESS lonely now...crap, I don't know. I have a feeling he just wants to see me for one reason, sex. A couple of months ago I would have been all for it, but I am becoming increasingly aware of the fact that if I were to do that I would be disrespecting myself. And if I don't respect myself, how the hell can I expect anyone else to respect me?
The last week has been ridiculous. I didn't get to do anything fun to blow off steam this past weekend because I worked 23 hours between Saturday and Sunday (so much for the M-F 8:30-5 job) and the work I was doing was mind-numping and tedious so I had WAY too much time to think. Nicole+deep thoughts=TROUBLE.
Moving on. I had a conversation with someone over the weekend and actually admitted (out loud) that my self esteem is in the shitter. I used to be very self confident, but in the last few years I managed to lose it. Why is that? I don't know.
In addition to the Nick dilemma, there's Brian. Stable, fire fighter, cute, cowboy, trains horses Brian. Unfortunately, it seems Brian only has one thing on his mind, too. What the hell is up with that?
I didn't sleep worth a flip last night, even though I took a vicodin because I was cramping so bad. It's 3:53 and while I got a lot of stuff done in the first part of the day, I've accomplished nothing in the last 2 hours. Guess I am just going to head home and give Chelsea the Dog some much deserved attention. I swear she knows when it's the weekend and when I am supposed to stay home with her. When I got up to get ready Saturday and Sunday she was ESPECIALLY pouty, I mean, she pouts everyday, but she was just pathetic.
Ciao for now.
The last week has been ridiculous. I didn't get to do anything fun to blow off steam this past weekend because I worked 23 hours between Saturday and Sunday (so much for the M-F 8:30-5 job) and the work I was doing was mind-numping and tedious so I had WAY too much time to think. Nicole+deep thoughts=TROUBLE.
Moving on. I had a conversation with someone over the weekend and actually admitted (out loud) that my self esteem is in the shitter. I used to be very self confident, but in the last few years I managed to lose it. Why is that? I don't know.
In addition to the Nick dilemma, there's Brian. Stable, fire fighter, cute, cowboy, trains horses Brian. Unfortunately, it seems Brian only has one thing on his mind, too. What the hell is up with that?
I didn't sleep worth a flip last night, even though I took a vicodin because I was cramping so bad. It's 3:53 and while I got a lot of stuff done in the first part of the day, I've accomplished nothing in the last 2 hours. Guess I am just going to head home and give Chelsea the Dog some much deserved attention. I swear she knows when it's the weekend and when I am supposed to stay home with her. When I got up to get ready Saturday and Sunday she was ESPECIALLY pouty, I mean, she pouts everyday, but she was just pathetic.
Ciao for now.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
FUCK.
Well, Nick and I have been texting a little lately. Just shoots it home how much I miss him. I mean, I knew I missed him, but when I am not talking to him I can put it in the back of my mind. Then we start talking and my head goes to shit.
Today I asked him about the "memory box" I gave him for his birthday last year that had pictures, cards, a shell, our Pat Green ticket stubs from our first Valentine's Day (which was also out first night "together". Yes, we waited a while.), and a few other mementos. Apparently he threw it out. I don't know that he threw away everything that was in it, but does it really matter? He threw the box out, and probably most of what was in it. That speaks volumes. Just a couple of months ago we were talking about whether or not we would ever get back together and he told me, "Nicole, you are the perfect woman for me. If I were in a different place I would ask you to marry me and we would live happy ever after." But now he's gone and thrown out the memories we made? Yes, I know it was just stuff, but that stuff was representative of the year we were together.
I could scream. I could cry. I could throw up.
But I have too much damn work to do. So I can't.
Fuck.
Today I asked him about the "memory box" I gave him for his birthday last year that had pictures, cards, a shell, our Pat Green ticket stubs from our first Valentine's Day (which was also out first night "together". Yes, we waited a while.), and a few other mementos. Apparently he threw it out. I don't know that he threw away everything that was in it, but does it really matter? He threw the box out, and probably most of what was in it. That speaks volumes. Just a couple of months ago we were talking about whether or not we would ever get back together and he told me, "Nicole, you are the perfect woman for me. If I were in a different place I would ask you to marry me and we would live happy ever after." But now he's gone and thrown out the memories we made? Yes, I know it was just stuff, but that stuff was representative of the year we were together.
I could scream. I could cry. I could throw up.
But I have too much damn work to do. So I can't.
Fuck.
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