Entitlement.

Well, I was going to post this a while back, but other things came up and I just didn't get around to it.
Americans piss me off. I'm an American, so I feel I can say that, and I'm going to. If you don't like it, then you surely won't like the rest of this post so I suggest you go somewhere else. It just amazes me that "most" of the people affected, displaced, etc. by Katrina felt/feel entitled to help from the government, be it local, state or federal, and even to help from private agencies, Red Cross, Salvation Army, etc. Do these people NOT understand that NO ONE has to do anything to help them?? I mean, look at the people affected by the December 2004 tsunami. Do you think they EXPECTED anything from ANYONE? Probably not. And I bet some of them kissed the feet of the people who went over there to assist them when their own government did not have the means to. I know this is going to bring about the whole "our government can get aid to other countries 'this fast' ", yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. It really angers me when people think that they DESERVE something, yet when something bad happens all you hear is, "I don't deserve this." If you think you deserve something "good", then why don't you deserve something "bad"? Shit happens. Deal with it.
You want to know what REALLY angered me last week? The Katrina evacuees moaning and groaning because they were having to be re-evacuated. Um, okay, so we should leave you here to fend for yourselves. Yeah, that really worked out for you last time didn't it? And you know if they hadn't been "forced" to re-evacuate and Rita had come to Houston all HELL would have broken loose. All we would be hearing right now is "the government FAILED us again, why me, why me?". Give me a damn break. I have so had enough. So help me if another hurricane hits the Gulf Coast I am moving to NEBRASKA.
I received an article from my aunt and will post the link towards the end of this...I was going to post it on Galley but things are pretty touchy right now in the wake of two incredibly catastrophic storms, and I am so NOT going to be the one to stir it up! http://jewishworldreview.com/0905/graham092805.php3
This really isn't everything I wanted to say, but I am going to see my sister and my nieces who have been "displaced" by Rita and her careless decision to drop a tree on top of, or rather into, their house, and who are having to deal with this while my BIL is in New Orleans helping with that reconstruction. Oh, and you know something else? Does my sister expect a debit card from FEMA or the Red Cross, or a room on a cruise ship, or a free apartment? NO! She is doing what needs to be done to make sure her family stays healthy.
Take that.

Damn endo.

I went to my first Houston Endometriosis Association Support Group meeting last night. Pretty informative, although most of the women have tried some things that seem pretty out there. I am just not into the whole "hollistic" thing. If they had said anything about it really helping their symptoms, that would be one thing, but they all pretty much said it hadn't helped very much. I am having a crap load of pain today, to the point of getting dizzy and nauseaus. I have way too much to do this evening and all I want to do is go home and curl up in bed with my heating pad, ice pack and my book.
I am usually not a baby about weather stuff, but this Rita crap has me freaked out.
Ugh. I am not into writing right now.
Later.

Yay me! Maybe...

I have a phone interview for that position at the YMCA that I wrote about last week. I am trying not to get my hopes up, I tend to do that. What I don't understand, why is it a phone interview? I mean, I live here in town. I've only had to do phone interviews when it was for a position out of town. Oh well, be thinking about me Friday at 6:00 pm (strange time, I know).

An update of sorts

Well, Nick and I actually talked, like, had a real conversation, not just text messages. He mentioned coming to visit me. I am not sure what to think about that. I know a few weeks ago I said he was "the one", but I think I was just really lonely. Not that I am any LESS lonely now...crap, I don't know. I have a feeling he just wants to see me for one reason, sex. A couple of months ago I would have been all for it, but I am becoming increasingly aware of the fact that if I were to do that I would be disrespecting myself. And if I don't respect myself, how the hell can I expect anyone else to respect me?
The last week has been ridiculous. I didn't get to do anything fun to blow off steam this past weekend because I worked 23 hours between Saturday and Sunday (so much for the M-F 8:30-5 job) and the work I was doing was mind-numping and tedious so I had WAY too much time to think. Nicole+deep thoughts=TROUBLE.
Moving on. I had a conversation with someone over the weekend and actually admitted (out loud) that my self esteem is in the shitter. I used to be very self confident, but in the last few years I managed to lose it. Why is that? I don't know.
In addition to the Nick dilemma, there's Brian. Stable, fire fighter, cute, cowboy, trains horses Brian. Unfortunately, it seems Brian only has one thing on his mind, too. What the hell is up with that?
I didn't sleep worth a flip last night, even though I took a vicodin because I was cramping so bad. It's 3:53 and while I got a lot of stuff done in the first part of the day, I've accomplished nothing in the last 2 hours. Guess I am just going to head home and give Chelsea the Dog some much deserved attention. I swear she knows when it's the weekend and when I am supposed to stay home with her. When I got up to get ready Saturday and Sunday she was ESPECIALLY pouty, I mean, she pouts everyday, but she was just pathetic.
Ciao for now.

FUCK.

Well, Nick and I have been texting a little lately. Just shoots it home how much I miss him. I mean, I knew I missed him, but when I am not talking to him I can put it in the back of my mind. Then we start talking and my head goes to shit.
Today I asked him about the "memory box" I gave him for his birthday last year that had pictures, cards, a shell, our Pat Green ticket stubs from our first Valentine's Day (which was also out first night "together". Yes, we waited a while.), and a few other mementos. Apparently he threw it out. I don't know that he threw away everything that was in it, but does it really matter? He threw the box out, and probably most of what was in it. That speaks volumes. Just a couple of months ago we were talking about whether or not we would ever get back together and he told me, "Nicole, you are the perfect woman for me. If I were in a different place I would ask you to marry me and we would live happy ever after." But now he's gone and thrown out the memories we made? Yes, I know it was just stuff, but that stuff was representative of the year we were together.
I could scream. I could cry. I could throw up.
But I have too much damn work to do. So I can't.
Fuck.

MawMaw Broussard

She is my mom's mom. Today when she and my PawPaw called me she said, "When all this shit is over I''ll be able to get a degree in weather."
I swear she comes up with some funny stuff sometimes.
One time, a few years ago, we were teasing her about something and she said, "Shut up, you shit-asses!." So, now, when we get pissed off at one of our 36 family members you hear "You're a shit-ass." I'll list all of her "Edithisms" (her first name is Edith, originally Edita) some other time.
This isn't what I had in mind for today's post, but seeing as how it is 12:25 and I still have approximately 90 pages of text to re-type by Monday, I need to get back to work.
I will leave you with one word to roll around in your brain. Entitlement.

What the world, needs now...

Okay, did you actually think I was going to go "there"? PULEASE. BTW, the damn 'A' key and 'C' keys on this POS keyboard keep getting stuck, so back off about the typos, okay?
You know, it amazes me how a person can fool so many other people. Thank goodnes it didn't take me too long to figure it out, I mean, it took me a while, but I "got it".
Can I tell you how thankful I am that none of my LA people were "directly" affected by Katrina? The farthest East any of them live is in Baton Rouge, and while they were without power for almost a week, they are safe and sound. They even have a fishing camp on Grand Isle that went UNSCATHED. How crazy is that? My aunt says BR changed overnight. Can you imagine the population doubling where ever you live?? I mean, I know Houston grew A LOT, but with all the people that were already here, it seems the "survivors" kind of blend in.
Now, my aunt who lives in Lafayette, she was affected, in a big way. Two of her employees from her NOLA office are still missing. She is a wreck. Her daughter's dad's family (yeah, one of "those") are from Covington. They lost everything. I feel bad for my aunt.
Okay, well this keyboard has me sufficiently frustrated. I already know what my blog is going to be tomorrow, and I have a feeling some people won't like it. OH FUCKING WELL!

Hey Randy...

What's that you say about loving your fucking job? Well, I hate my fucking job. I was telling my sister about how Randy says that after introducing the band at almost every show. She didn't get it.
I am just so blah lately. It could be from the meds I am on, but I really think that it's because I am so damn unhappy with work. I found out that my dream job is available at one of the YMCAs down here. I sent my resume this morning, I was hoping to have heard something by now. Even if I don't hear anything from the jobs I have applied for I am going to go ahead and update all of my certifications. Letting them go was so foolish. So, looks like I will have to follow Brian's advice and ask Daddy-O for the money. I hate that though. I have NEVER asked him for anything, in 29 (almost 30) years. Sure, he's given me money, but I have never ASKED him for it. Grrr.
Okay, back to work.
BTW, Stoney kicks ass.
But the song for the day is Windfall, as performed by Wade Bowen. (Written by Steve Earl?)
Now and then it keeps you runnin'
Never seems to die
Trails spin with fear
And not enough livin' on the outside
Never seem to get far enough
Stayin' in between the lines
Hold on to what you can
Waitin' for the end
Not knowin' when
May the wind take your troubles away
May the wind take your troubles away
Both feet on the floor
Two hands on the wheel
May the wind take your troubles away
Tryin' to make it far enough
To the next time zone
Few and far between past the midnight hour
You never feel alone
You're really not alone
Switchin' it over to am
Searchin' for a truer sound
Can't recall the call letters
Steel guitar and settle down
Catchin' an all night station
Somewhere in Louisiana
It sounds like 1963
But for now it sounds like heaven
May the wind take your troubles away
May the windTake your troubles away

I think it's time to wash the Jeep and take the top off. I need some fresh air. And a road trip, but at $3 a gallon, not likely.

I dunno.

I am kind of at a loss right now. There are just no words to describe my frustration. My frustration with myself, my frustration with other people. I should really just shut my trap.
Praying like crazy that they get the NOLA situation under control, and soon.