The one.

That's Nick. Isn't he handsome? The love of my life that I can't have right now. That sucks, really bad. We met about 8 weeks too late. I moved back to Houston from Lake Charles right before Thanksgiving in 2003. We met in Lake Charles on December 23, 2003 and we just clicked. We tried to make the distance thing work, and it did for about a year and then it just got too hard and was putting way too much stress on each of us so we couldn't even enjoy the time we WERE able to spend together. I miss him, A LOT. Too much some days. Not into posting a whole song today, so just a verse from Our Song, Wave on Wave by that guy, Pat Craven Green. And that's when she found me. Not afraid anymore. She said: "You know, I always had you, baby. "Just waitin' for you to find what you were lookin' for."

A 2-fer.

Song of the day: Part Deux.
Take This Job and Shove IT by Johnny Paycheck


Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
My woman done left
An' took all the reasons I was workin' for
You better not to try to stand in my way
As I'm a walkin' out the door
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
I've been workin' in this fact'ry
For nigh on fifteen years
All this time, I watched my woman
Drownin' in a pool of tears
An I've seen a lot of my good folk die
Had a lot of bills to pay
I'd give the shirt right off of my back
If I had the guts to say
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
My woman done left
An' took all the reasons I was workin' for
You better not to try to stand in my way
As I'm a walkin' out the door
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
Well, that foreman, he's a regular dog
The line boss is a fool
Got a brand new flat-top haircut
Lord, he thinks he's cool
One of these days, I'm gonna blow my top
And sucker, SHE's gonna pay
Lord, I can't wait to see their faces
When I get the nerve to say
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
My woman done left
An' took all the reasons I was workin' for
You better not to try to stand in my way
As I'm a walkin' out the door
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
Take this job and shove it

I knew today was going to suck. Self fulfilling prophecy, you say? No.

Case of the Mondays...

Song of the day: Least Complicated by Indigo Girls

I sit two stories above the street
It's awful quiet here since love fell asleep
There's life down below me though
The kids are walking home from school
Some long ago when we were taught
That for whatever kind of puzzle you got
You just stick the right formula in
A solution for every fool
I remember the time when I came so close to you
Sent me skipping my class and running from school
And I bought you that ring 'cause I never was cool
What makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
So, I just sit up in the house and resist
And not be seen until I cease to exist
A kind of conscientious objection
A kind of dodging the draft
The boy and girl are holding hands on the street
And I don't want to but I think you just wait
It's more than just eye to eye
Learn the things I could never apply
I remember the time when I came so close with you
I let everything go it seemed the only truth
And I bought you that ring, it seemed the thing to do
What makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
So, what makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
I'm just a mirror of a mirror myself
All the things that I do
And the next time I fall I'm gonna have to recall
It's isn't love it's only something new
I sit two stories above the street
It's awful quiet here since love fell asleep
There's life down below me though
The kids are walking home from school
I'm remember the time when I came so close with you
Sent me skipping my class and running from school
And I bought you that ring 'cause I never was cool
What makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
So, what makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated

Today is going to suck. Hard. Core.

What to do...

Let's see. I could:
a. go to Dallas (mucho driving=mucho fun)
b. go to Dad's in Tomball (less driving=less fun)
c. stay home, watch movies, veg, have a "me" day (no driving=no fun)
d. hang out with the IC this afternoon and get a little shitty, maybe even tip over
(no driving=maybe a little fun)
Crap.

Song of the day: "I Think I'll Just Stay Here And Drink" as performed by RRB on my DD from DJ last night!

Could be holding you tonight,
Could quit doing wrong, start doin' right.
You don't care about what I think.
I think I'll just stay here and drink.

Hey puttin' you down don't square no deal.
Least you know the way I feel.
Take all the money in the bank.
Think 'll just stay here and drink.

Listen close and you can hear,
That loud jukebox playin' in my ear.
Ain't no woman gonna change the way I think.
Think 'll just stay here and drink.

Hurtin' me now don't mean a thing.
Since lovin' you, don't feel no pain.
My mind ain't nothin' but a total blank.
I think I'll just stay here and drink, yeah.

Thanks again DJ!

Decided I needed some Dixie Chicks today. I haven't listened to them in FOREVER.
Song of the day: Truth No. 2

You don't like the sound of the truth
Coming from my mouth
You say that I lack the proof
Well baby that might be so
I might get to the end of my life
Find out everyone was lying
I don't think that I'm afraid anymore
Say that I would rather die trying

Swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love from my lips
This time when he swung the bat
And I found myself laying flat I wondered
What a way to spend a dime
What a way to use the time, ain't it baby
I looked at my reflection in the window walking past
And I saw a stranger
Just so scared all the time it makes me one more reason
Why the world's dangerous

Swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love from my lips

You don't like the sound of the truth
Coming from my mouth
You say that I lack the proof
Well baby that might be so
Tell me what's wrong with having a little faith
In what you're feeling in your heart
Why must we be so afraid
And always so far apart

Swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love from my lips

Here we go

Not really sure why I am doing this. It seems like most blogs are censored, or cryptic so that the readers don't really know what's going on. What's the point? If I wanted to write in diary that no one else could read, then I would.
It seems that since I was diagnosed with endo a ton of other people that I "know" have been diagnosed as well. While it helps to be able to talk to people who have gone through, or are going through it, it's not the same as it would be if one of my really close friends knew what it's like. Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER wish this on anyone, but to have someone that I could always rely on would be really great. My dad has been great through it all, but there is only so much uterus and ovary talk that he can handle. After my surgery in April I had to start naming my anatomy in terms of car parts so he could deal. My mom, yeah, she's been pretty absent through it all. My surgery was April 15th and I didn't get a call from her until April 19th. Now I have doctors appointments about every 3-4 weeks and even if she knows about it ahead of time I never get a call to see how it went.
I've realized a couple of things over the last couple of months. I'm paranoid, and I don't like it at all. It's like if someone doesn't call me right back, or write me back away, then I think I have done something to make them angry. Now, you would think that I would KNOW when I have done something, but for some reason it totally escapes me. Is that totally retarded? I am sure it is. I am also consumed by what other people think about me. Why in the world does that matter? I mean, I am good person, I can be a lot of fun (most of the time, but the endo knocks me to my knees sometimes) and I am a very good listener and LOYAL to the end. This should make me feel better about myself. Why doesn't it?
Well, I'll have to collect some more thoughts. Hasta luego.