And the Best Aunt of the Year award goes to:

Me!

I had my nieces, Cameron and Averie, as well as Hannah, one of their friends, this weekend.

Friday we went to McDonalds for Happy Meals and play time:
















And they got free ice cream cones for being so cute and well behaved:



















Then we went to the park to tire them out:
Cameron





















Averie





















Hannah






















And it worked like a charm:






















Saturday morning we went to Brayden's first birthday party. Best damn birthday cake EVER.



















We went to see Cars after the party, went to the wave pool after Cars, and went to the park after the wave pool.


















Then we went home, bathed, ate dinner and made brownies.
















The were all asleep by 10:00 pm, thank goodness! I don't think I could have gone another minute! Sunday we all went for an early lunch at Joe's and the kids headed back to Lake Charles with their parents. I think my 3 hour nap was WELL DESERVED on Sunday!

I can't wait for July 21st-29th when I have an entire week at the beach with them.

Going Away


Lately I'm feeling kinda broken,
like a man out of sorts with the world,
and I ain't got no explanation,
and if I did I know I'd sound absurd.

I can't change a thing no matter what I do,
and you don't care what I say,
I can't hide the pain anymore,
ohhh I'm going away.

I just need a way to keep the rain out,
to land with my both feet on the ground,
but every time I go to stand up on my own,
you come along, you come along and knock me down.

I can't change a thing no matter what I do,
and you don't care what I say,
I can't hide the pain anymore,
ohhh I'm going away.

Maybe I'll break out for the mountains,
or maybe I'll head for Mexico,
then you come in beggin' pleading,
you said baby please don't leave me,
but I've made up my mind,
I've made up my mind it's time to go.

I'M MELTING

Is it possible for your skin to melt off? Because I am pretty sure mine is. If I were outside where it's 90 degrees + I could understand being so damn hot. But I am in my office with the thermostat at 72 and I am so freaking hot. My hands are so sweaty, and I feel like I am sitting on a heating pad.

Guess it's time to break out the ice packs and desk fan.

Good thing it didn't say "Ms. Piggy"

I'd have plunged from atop the Kemah bridge.

You Are Scooter

Brainy and knowledgable, you are the perfect sidekick. You're always willing to lend a helping hand. In any big event or party, you're the one who keeps things going. "15 seconds to showtime!"

The Muppet Personality Test

Today is officially...

Hug a menopausal woman day.

I had my first really bad bout with night sweats last night. Woke me up at 2:00 am, didn't get back to sleep until sometime around 5:30 am, only to have to get up at 7:00 am for work. It was disgusting. I had to take a shower and then I couldn't get back to sleep so I read for a while. I am also increasingly emotional. I am pretty much always hyper-sensitive, but this is ridiculous.

A couple of things people can do to help me out:
1. If I say I can't do something, whether it's because I can't afford it or if I am not feeling well, please don't tell me I suck, and please don't be angry with me. This is hard enough. And trust me, I would much rather be out having fun with people who make me laugh and smile, than sitting at home twiddling my thumbs with nothing to do.
2. If I am upset at the prospect of not having children, please don't let the first words out of your mouth be "You can always adopt". I know this is an option, but very few people understand just how desperately I want to conceive a child with a man I love, and experience pregnancy and childbirth. I know it's hard for people to understand, and I honestly don't expect anyone to understand if they haven't been through any of this themselves.

Well, I really thought there were more than two situations I wanted to address...but I've lost my train of thought which also happens fairly often these days. This is not meant for just one or two people. It's meant for just about everyone I know, including people who will probably never read it. I wish I could just tell people what I think when they've upset me or hurt my feelings but I can't. I have not ever been able to do that until it gets to the point where I am going to explode and just write off the friendship completely. I realize that I should not let it get so bad, but bottling things up is just what I do.

So, I guess I should include an update of sorts.

Nick: He did, in fact, come to see me over Memorial Day weekend. We had a good time. If nothing else, I got a ceiling fan and a programmable thermostat out of the visit. If you don't have a programmable thermostat, you should really get one. They are the neatest things ever and I have already seen a pretty big savings on my electric bill. He won't be able to come back here for at least a month because he is working 6-12s...

Lupron: I am a little more than 2 months into the treatment and I am scheduled to get my second of the two three month injections on July 3rd. Did that make sense?... Probably not. The side effects I am finding most difficult to deal with are the weight gain/swelling, lethargy, insomnia, bone/joint pain (esp. in my hands, shins, ankles and feet), hot flashes/night sweats, tachycardia(rapid heart beat), dizziness and mood swings/bouts of anger. I know that all of these should subside sometime around the end of October, so I am just looking forward to that and trying not to get too down in the meantime.

Here are some links to pictures from the last couple of weekends:
6/9-10 My cousin's wedding/Grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary in Lake Charles
6/2-4 Ryan Turner and the weekend of sailing
5/28-29 Nick and Bear

Well, that's it I guess. Not very exciting. Sorry....

Happy news.

He's coming to see me this weekend. Hopefully Saturday, but definitely Sunday-Monday evening. He hasn't been here in about a year and half. I have no idea what we'll do. The chance for rain keeps increasing for Sunday. I guess I wouldn't really mind if we have to hole up in the apartment for a couple of days. I'm sure we could find some way to entertain one another...

I give up.

One of my friends from high school has been trying to lose weight. I know that I look like I don't know ANYTHING about fitness, and I would understand such treatment if she didn't know my background. But she does, and the way she treats me, and the advice I offer her, with total disregard really upsets me. I mean, she knows that I have my Master of Arts Degree(as well as my Bachelor of Science Degree) in Fitness and Human Performance, yet she still checks with a friend of hers who has only gained "knowledge" through magazines. And we all know that you can believe EVERYTHING you read in magazines such as "Muscle and Fiction(Fitness)"

It shouldn't bother me so much, but it does.

In other news...
I am making a lot of effort to lose the weight I have gained since the endo started really affecting my daily life. I am sure there are people out there who are saying "excuses, excuses". Well, I could give two shits about anyone saying that because I would bet my right arm that anyone saying that has never been in some kind of pain just about every day for the last two years. And you know something else that is really bothering me these days? The people who say, "Oh, I know what you mean about cramps." It's all I can do to bite my tongue and not say, "OH, do you? You have cramps, what, two or three days a MONTH? Try having those cramps 9.5 days out of 10, then we'll talk."
Back to the weight loss thing. Before the endo was at its worst, beginning in April 2004, I had lost 48 pounds. I was down to 160 from my highest weight ever which was 208 (I am sure everyone who reads this could do the math, but you never really know.... ;-) ) From the time of my first surgery, to the second one, I gained about 30 pounds. 30 pounds in about a year. Ridiculous. I beat myself up on a daily basis. I was about 2/3 of the way to my original goal of 135 pounds. I'll get there though. I will. Period.

Sweetest thing. Ever.

Nick and I talked for a pretty long time last night, mostly about what we had done over the weekend, and plans for the week. At one point there was kind of a break in the conversation and he said, "Well, I hate to be all mushy and stuff, but I heard this song yesterday on my way home from work and it reminded me of you. Of us." He had the artist wrong at first, but went out to his truck to get the CD so he could tell me what song it was. Turns out it's a Tim McGraw song off the "Set This Circus Down" CD, which I bought when it was released in 2001 for one song, and one song only-"Angry All the Time". I don't think I ever listened to the entire thing because the song he was talking about was totally new to me. As I was listening to it I got tears in my eyes, which happens a lot these days, but that song said things to me that I know Nick never would have been able to. And that makes my heart more happy than you could ever know.

Take Me Away From Here

My body burns
Like there’s a desert deep in me
A thirsty soul so unsatisfied
But there you are like a river to the sea
The one chance I have to change my life...
Darlin',

Take my away from here
Make it seem like we're a million miles away
Another time another place
Make me a different man
Move me farther than I’ve ever been before
Show me thats there's somethin' more

Sometimes I feel like I’m trapped inside myself
Spinning wheels goin up and down, 'round and 'round
Going nowere just like everybody else
With no touch, no sight, no sound
But you could

Take me away from here
Make it seem like we’re a million miles away
Another time another place
Make me a different man
Move me farther than I’ve been before
Show me that’s there somethin more

Give me hopes and .
dreams to fill my head
Push my heart,
so I can fly again

Take me away from here
Make it seem like we’re a million miles away
Another time another place
Make me a different man
Move me farther than I’ve been before
Show me that’s there’s something more

Take me away from here
Take me away from here
Take me away from here
Take me away from here

I was wrong.

I do get butterflies when I talk to Nick. My bad.

Damn butterflies.

And I'm not talking about the insect variety. I'm talking about the ones that make you feel anxious and antsy, and sometimes nauseas. I haven't felt this in a LONG time, and I guess I'm happy to know that I still can, but then again, I don't like it. Not one single bit.

I guess I've got a little bit of a crush on someone. I don't think it ever would have happened if someone hadn't brought up the fact that he's cute, and that she thought we'd be cute together. I've always thought he was cute, and really nice, but I never thought about being interested in him. Now, any time I think about him, or see a picture of him, I get that fluttery feeling. Now that I think about it, I don't think I got that fluttery feeling when I saw Nick a couple of weeks ago. Hmmm.