Happy HNT, ya'll.
And Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Music. It cures what ails you.
Or is that ales you? Maybe I have beer on the brain.
But seriously.
I have always loved music, and music of ALL kinds. Just look at my CD collection. You'll find some country, some rap, some pop, some sappy cry in your beer stuff, some Christian, some oldies, some stuff that really doesn't fit into any of the aforementioned genres, and some (not nearly enough) Texas music. My collection has been called eclectic by some, ridiculous by others, but that's me. And there are so many that I should get rid of, but it won't happen. CDs are just something I can't part with. I've still got cassettes, I can't listen to them as I don't have a tape player, but if I did, I would probably pop one in every now and then. You know, we could all use a little Tiffany every now and then. Yeah, that's right, I still have a Tiffany tape, and some GoGos, too.
Anyways, the real purpose of this entry was to thank those of you who have introduced me to some music that I may not have ever been introduced to. I mean, I've been listening to Pat, Cory, Roger, REK, and some of the "older" Texas musicians for a few years, but Galley has opened my eyes to a whole other dimension of music, and for that, I am forever grateful. I wrote in a Christmas card to someone something along the lines of, "Thanks for Galleywinter. It's saved my life." And I mean that, from the very tips of my tiny toes to the wery top of my not so tiny head (Yeah, I know you thought I was going to say not so tiny something else's. Get it outta the gutter ;-)). This time a year ago, my life consisted of going to work, and going home. Weekends were spent in bed in agonizing pain, with no insurance to find out what the problem was, or prescription drug coverage for things such as Rx strength Ibuprofin, or my newfound love, Vicoprofin. Yes, I know I sound like some drug head, but when you are in constant pain, day in and day out, you do what you have to do to function. I keep getting sidetracked, so stay with me...this could be a long bumpy road. So, I finally got insurance last February, went to a Dr who had NO interest in diagnosing me, just wanted to put a band-aid on the problem for a while. That didn't work. Next Dr. By that point I had gotten smart and started keeping a pain journal (www.endofacts.com) and handed it to him (first male "that kind of" Dr I had ever been to) when he walked into the office for the consultation and proceeded to bawl my eyes out while he read it (his reaction makes me tear up to this day). He handed me a box of tissues, put his hand on my leg and said, "I am so sorry you have been going through this. It looks like you've got a textbook case of endometriosis, I don't think I need to examine you, but I will just to be certain and then we will schedule you for a laparoscopy for next week". And he did. I had surgery, pelviscopy with laser of endo to be technical, on April 15, 2005. Before the surgery he was expecting Stage 1 endo, he found stage 3. It was completely covering my left ovary, and was all over the anterior, posterior and left lateral edge of my uterus. The surgery was a little more involved than he was expecting. I had 6 weeks of post-operative,let's call them "issues", which was to be expected. Then I had 2 whole PAIN FREE weeks. That was amazing. I had had some sort of pain on a daily basis for the past 2 and a half years, with a host of other issues that endometriosis brings about. Exactly 2 weeks after my first pain free day I thought the pain in the area of my right ovary was just ovulation (they call it Middleschmertz, mid-cycle pain, which ironically enough is what I had been diagnosed with when I was 18, turns out that pain was actually caused by the endo) so I let it ride for 2 days until I couldn't stand it anymore. I called the office and the nurse got me in the next morning. The exam revealed some not so great news. There was a 99% chance that I had an endometrial adhesion forming on my right ovary which was totally clear just 8 weeks prior to that exam during surgery. See, the tricky thing about endo is that they can go in and do surgery and remove everything they can see, but there can still be adhesions/lesions just under the surface that they can't see, and then they suddenly break through and start causing problems.
Wow, this is way more than I planned on writing about the details, but it's really helpful for me to talk about it, people don't like to hear it, but it's a huge part of my life now. So just deal.
At this point I am basically back to where I was a year ago, except now I know which foods trigger the inflammatory response so I try to stay away from them as much as possible, and when I don't, Dr. Korman has given me some great drugs to help me through it!
The difference between this year, and last year, is that I WON'T let it rule my life, and now I have something and SOME PEOPLE who make me want to leave my cave and enjoy music that has CHANGED MY LIFE. And some of the people I speak of, they have changed my life as well. I used to be very judgmental. I would think things of people just because of the way they acted or because of things that I heard about them. I don't do that anymore, at least I try my very hardest not to. I try to give everyone I meet the benefit of the doubt. And I have been surprised. Boy, have I been surprised. My life has been changed more in the last 9 months than I ever dreamed possible, and that is truly amazing.
So thank you. Thank you especially to all those crazy chicks who have crazy little sayings, but who make me smile from ear to ear everytime they say one of them.
You will never know....you saved my life.
And I love you.
And I mean it.
I really mean it.
Disclaimer-sorry about the typos, I'll proof it when I'm not blind.
But seriously.
I have always loved music, and music of ALL kinds. Just look at my CD collection. You'll find some country, some rap, some pop, some sappy cry in your beer stuff, some Christian, some oldies, some stuff that really doesn't fit into any of the aforementioned genres, and some (not nearly enough) Texas music. My collection has been called eclectic by some, ridiculous by others, but that's me. And there are so many that I should get rid of, but it won't happen. CDs are just something I can't part with. I've still got cassettes, I can't listen to them as I don't have a tape player, but if I did, I would probably pop one in every now and then. You know, we could all use a little Tiffany every now and then. Yeah, that's right, I still have a Tiffany tape, and some GoGos, too.
Anyways, the real purpose of this entry was to thank those of you who have introduced me to some music that I may not have ever been introduced to. I mean, I've been listening to Pat, Cory, Roger, REK, and some of the "older" Texas musicians for a few years, but Galley has opened my eyes to a whole other dimension of music, and for that, I am forever grateful. I wrote in a Christmas card to someone something along the lines of, "Thanks for Galleywinter. It's saved my life." And I mean that, from the very tips of my tiny toes to the wery top of my not so tiny head (Yeah, I know you thought I was going to say not so tiny something else's. Get it outta the gutter ;-)). This time a year ago, my life consisted of going to work, and going home. Weekends were spent in bed in agonizing pain, with no insurance to find out what the problem was, or prescription drug coverage for things such as Rx strength Ibuprofin, or my newfound love, Vicoprofin. Yes, I know I sound like some drug head, but when you are in constant pain, day in and day out, you do what you have to do to function. I keep getting sidetracked, so stay with me...this could be a long bumpy road. So, I finally got insurance last February, went to a Dr who had NO interest in diagnosing me, just wanted to put a band-aid on the problem for a while. That didn't work. Next Dr. By that point I had gotten smart and started keeping a pain journal (www.endofacts.com) and handed it to him (first male "that kind of" Dr I had ever been to) when he walked into the office for the consultation and proceeded to bawl my eyes out while he read it (his reaction makes me tear up to this day). He handed me a box of tissues, put his hand on my leg and said, "I am so sorry you have been going through this. It looks like you've got a textbook case of endometriosis, I don't think I need to examine you, but I will just to be certain and then we will schedule you for a laparoscopy for next week". And he did. I had surgery, pelviscopy with laser of endo to be technical, on April 15, 2005. Before the surgery he was expecting Stage 1 endo, he found stage 3. It was completely covering my left ovary, and was all over the anterior, posterior and left lateral edge of my uterus. The surgery was a little more involved than he was expecting. I had 6 weeks of post-operative,let's call them "issues", which was to be expected. Then I had 2 whole PAIN FREE weeks. That was amazing. I had had some sort of pain on a daily basis for the past 2 and a half years, with a host of other issues that endometriosis brings about. Exactly 2 weeks after my first pain free day I thought the pain in the area of my right ovary was just ovulation (they call it Middleschmertz, mid-cycle pain, which ironically enough is what I had been diagnosed with when I was 18, turns out that pain was actually caused by the endo) so I let it ride for 2 days until I couldn't stand it anymore. I called the office and the nurse got me in the next morning. The exam revealed some not so great news. There was a 99% chance that I had an endometrial adhesion forming on my right ovary which was totally clear just 8 weeks prior to that exam during surgery. See, the tricky thing about endo is that they can go in and do surgery and remove everything they can see, but there can still be adhesions/lesions just under the surface that they can't see, and then they suddenly break through and start causing problems.
Wow, this is way more than I planned on writing about the details, but it's really helpful for me to talk about it, people don't like to hear it, but it's a huge part of my life now. So just deal.
At this point I am basically back to where I was a year ago, except now I know which foods trigger the inflammatory response so I try to stay away from them as much as possible, and when I don't, Dr. Korman has given me some great drugs to help me through it!
The difference between this year, and last year, is that I WON'T let it rule my life, and now I have something and SOME PEOPLE who make me want to leave my cave and enjoy music that has CHANGED MY LIFE. And some of the people I speak of, they have changed my life as well. I used to be very judgmental. I would think things of people just because of the way they acted or because of things that I heard about them. I don't do that anymore, at least I try my very hardest not to. I try to give everyone I meet the benefit of the doubt. And I have been surprised. Boy, have I been surprised. My life has been changed more in the last 9 months than I ever dreamed possible, and that is truly amazing.
So thank you. Thank you especially to all those crazy chicks who have crazy little sayings, but who make me smile from ear to ear everytime they say one of them.
You will never know....you saved my life.
And I love you.
And I mean it.
I really mean it.
Disclaimer-sorry about the typos, I'll proof it when I'm not blind.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
I'm "it".
This is for Heather and Elaine:
The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a Blog entry about their 5 weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.
1. When I dry off after a shower, I dry my arms so that all of the hair goes the same way. I also do that when I apply lotion.
2. When I wash dishes, I wash each surface 3 times and rinse each surface 3 times.
3. When I leave the house, I check to make sure that the door is locked twice.
4. I follow the exact same shower routine every day. Wash hair, wash face, rinse face, rinse hair, wash hair, wash body, rinse hair, rinse body, apply conditioner, shave, rinse conditioner, rinse body.
5. When I eat, I eat one thing at a time, no mixing. I will finish one thing completely, then move on to the next. I try not to do it when I am with other people because they usually notice. If you see me take a bite of one thing, and then a bite of something else on the plate, I have made a concerted effort to do that.
I tag Jamie, Stephanie, Elise, Kim and Melissa (but Kim and Melissa have to get a blog). ;0)
The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a Blog entry about their 5 weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.
1. When I dry off after a shower, I dry my arms so that all of the hair goes the same way. I also do that when I apply lotion.
2. When I wash dishes, I wash each surface 3 times and rinse each surface 3 times.
3. When I leave the house, I check to make sure that the door is locked twice.
4. I follow the exact same shower routine every day. Wash hair, wash face, rinse face, rinse hair, wash hair, wash body, rinse hair, rinse body, apply conditioner, shave, rinse conditioner, rinse body.
5. When I eat, I eat one thing at a time, no mixing. I will finish one thing completely, then move on to the next. I try not to do it when I am with other people because they usually notice. If you see me take a bite of one thing, and then a bite of something else on the plate, I have made a concerted effort to do that.
I tag Jamie, Stephanie, Elise, Kim and Melissa (but Kim and Melissa have to get a blog). ;0)
Gimme some tongue.
Pics from my 30th birthday celebration. Hopefully these will clear up any confusion as to whether or not I had a good time. (SFP btw.) http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLandingSignin.jsp?Uc=vw1tpv4.13vsruxk&Uy=-nuis2b&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&UV=528851009743_71847391608
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
A $100 pina colada and a blown vein, all before 8 am!
Yeah. Except it wasn't a real pina colada, it was that contrast fluid stuff you have to drink for a CT scan. Oh. My. Gosh. That stuff was disgusting. I asked for an emesis basin and they thought I was kidding until I started gagging. I went in thinking that I would either have to drink the nasty stuff, OR have the die injected. I had to do both! I told them all that it was a conspiracy because I hate needles and have a really sensitive gag reflex and that someone must hate me and is seeking revenge. They all laughed. Glad I could offer some comic relief at 6:30 am on a Wednesday. So the tech takes me back, I get on the table and he breaks it to me that I have to have a needle so he could administer the other contrast fluid intravenously. Poor guy, I think he got scared because of the look I gave him. He does the first scan without the contrast fluid, then comes over to inject the die and feels the vein go, and then I felt the vein go. That shit hurts! He felt really bad, although I don't think it was anything he did. He was trying to keep me as comfortable (comfortable being warm) as possible and just pushed the sleeve to my sweater up which apparently served as a tourniquet, which wasn't a good thing? So, all in all, it's been a bang up morning! I would post the pictures of my insides if I could figure out how to get just one off the disc....
Well, here are some slides...not sure exactly what we're seeing here. Oh, and if a radiologist happens to see these, just let me know if there is good news. If there is bad news, shut your cake hole.
Well, here are some slides...not sure exactly what we're seeing here. Oh, and if a radiologist happens to see these, just let me know if there is good news. If there is bad news, shut your cake hole.
Monday, November 21, 2005
So that's the bracelet Nick gave me for my birthday last year. Well, that's not the exact bracelet, mine is sterling sliver (that one is pewter) and the toggle is a little different. It's called a Humanity Bracelet.
Yesterday was a yucky day. And I can't really figure out why. Was it because of this stupid pill I've been on? Was I just really lonely? Was I thinking about Nick too much? Was it because this whole turning 30 thing is way bigger than it should be, or than I even want it to be? You know, I think the fact that I am going to be 30 is so hard because of where I am in my life...No husband, no kids, nothing that's really MINE. I mean I still rent, I am still paying off my car, and I still have student loan debt (so my degrees really aren't MINE).
Back to the bracelet...I don't wear it very often because Nick seems to play in my head little more on the days that I DO... But I wore it yesterday to have lunch with my best friend of 16 years and her husband and their children. After lunch I found myself thinking a lot about the bracelet, its significance, and whether or not I should really wear it. The bracelet symbolizes a lot to me, and not just because Nick gave it to me... I realize more and more that while I feel like I reflect a lot of what the bracelet is symbolic of, there are things I really need to work on. Maybe then I'll feel happy and whole.
Loyalty: I am loyal to a fault. I take a lot that I shouldn't, and I often stuff it deep down and make myself miserable.
Unity: I'm not really sure what to make of this one....
Passion: I don't think I am passionate enough.
Joy: I am definitely NOT joyful enough. I know I am lucky. I have a great family and friends that most other people would love to have. I am healthy, for the most part, I mean, I'm not going to die tomorrow (that I know of anyways).
Kindness: I think that for the most part I am kind. I often go out of my way to make sure the people I love are happy with me, sometimes that leads to my being miserable.
Humor: I often find humor in situations where others might not...
Hope: I know I am not hopeful enough...
Courage: I used to be courageous. Not so much these days.
Love: I love too much. Plain and simple. I give my heart freely, and it almost always backfires.
Trust: This could go two ways...I am trustworthy, at least I think I am, and since I am concentrating on my feelings of myself, we'll go with that. I don't really trust anyone though. I don't really think there is one single person in my life who I could trust to be there for me NO MATTER WHAT. I want that. I really do.
Honor: Not really sure what to make of this one either.
Family: I probably have the best family ever. Don't get me wrong, we have our issues, but at the end of the day, we are exactly what a family should be.
Truth: I am honest, almost to a fault. Basically, don't come to me for advice unless you want the God's honest truth as to what I think.
Charity: Well, I donate $50 a month to St. Judes...I would do more if I could.
I am really in a strange place. Thanksgiving is in 3 days and I just want to stay home. I can't think of anything better than having 4 days of just ME time. But if I did that the family would throw a fit. All 36 of them.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
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