Happy HNT, ya'll.
And Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Music. It cures what ails you.
Or is that ales you? Maybe I have beer on the brain.
But seriously.
I have always loved music, and music of ALL kinds. Just look at my CD collection. You'll find some country, some rap, some pop, some sappy cry in your beer stuff, some Christian, some oldies, some stuff that really doesn't fit into any of the aforementioned genres, and some (not nearly enough) Texas music. My collection has been called eclectic by some, ridiculous by others, but that's me. And there are so many that I should get rid of, but it won't happen. CDs are just something I can't part with. I've still got cassettes, I can't listen to them as I don't have a tape player, but if I did, I would probably pop one in every now and then. You know, we could all use a little Tiffany every now and then. Yeah, that's right, I still have a Tiffany tape, and some GoGos, too.
Anyways, the real purpose of this entry was to thank those of you who have introduced me to some music that I may not have ever been introduced to. I mean, I've been listening to Pat, Cory, Roger, REK, and some of the "older" Texas musicians for a few years, but Galley has opened my eyes to a whole other dimension of music, and for that, I am forever grateful. I wrote in a Christmas card to someone something along the lines of, "Thanks for Galleywinter. It's saved my life." And I mean that, from the very tips of my tiny toes to the wery top of my not so tiny head (Yeah, I know you thought I was going to say not so tiny something else's. Get it outta the gutter ;-)). This time a year ago, my life consisted of going to work, and going home. Weekends were spent in bed in agonizing pain, with no insurance to find out what the problem was, or prescription drug coverage for things such as Rx strength Ibuprofin, or my newfound love, Vicoprofin. Yes, I know I sound like some drug head, but when you are in constant pain, day in and day out, you do what you have to do to function. I keep getting sidetracked, so stay with me...this could be a long bumpy road. So, I finally got insurance last February, went to a Dr who had NO interest in diagnosing me, just wanted to put a band-aid on the problem for a while. That didn't work. Next Dr. By that point I had gotten smart and started keeping a pain journal (www.endofacts.com) and handed it to him (first male "that kind of" Dr I had ever been to) when he walked into the office for the consultation and proceeded to bawl my eyes out while he read it (his reaction makes me tear up to this day). He handed me a box of tissues, put his hand on my leg and said, "I am so sorry you have been going through this. It looks like you've got a textbook case of endometriosis, I don't think I need to examine you, but I will just to be certain and then we will schedule you for a laparoscopy for next week". And he did. I had surgery, pelviscopy with laser of endo to be technical, on April 15, 2005. Before the surgery he was expecting Stage 1 endo, he found stage 3. It was completely covering my left ovary, and was all over the anterior, posterior and left lateral edge of my uterus. The surgery was a little more involved than he was expecting. I had 6 weeks of post-operative,let's call them "issues", which was to be expected. Then I had 2 whole PAIN FREE weeks. That was amazing. I had had some sort of pain on a daily basis for the past 2 and a half years, with a host of other issues that endometriosis brings about. Exactly 2 weeks after my first pain free day I thought the pain in the area of my right ovary was just ovulation (they call it Middleschmertz, mid-cycle pain, which ironically enough is what I had been diagnosed with when I was 18, turns out that pain was actually caused by the endo) so I let it ride for 2 days until I couldn't stand it anymore. I called the office and the nurse got me in the next morning. The exam revealed some not so great news. There was a 99% chance that I had an endometrial adhesion forming on my right ovary which was totally clear just 8 weeks prior to that exam during surgery. See, the tricky thing about endo is that they can go in and do surgery and remove everything they can see, but there can still be adhesions/lesions just under the surface that they can't see, and then they suddenly break through and start causing problems.
Wow, this is way more than I planned on writing about the details, but it's really helpful for me to talk about it, people don't like to hear it, but it's a huge part of my life now. So just deal.
At this point I am basically back to where I was a year ago, except now I know which foods trigger the inflammatory response so I try to stay away from them as much as possible, and when I don't, Dr. Korman has given me some great drugs to help me through it!
The difference between this year, and last year, is that I WON'T let it rule my life, and now I have something and SOME PEOPLE who make me want to leave my cave and enjoy music that has CHANGED MY LIFE. And some of the people I speak of, they have changed my life as well. I used to be very judgmental. I would think things of people just because of the way they acted or because of things that I heard about them. I don't do that anymore, at least I try my very hardest not to. I try to give everyone I meet the benefit of the doubt. And I have been surprised. Boy, have I been surprised. My life has been changed more in the last 9 months than I ever dreamed possible, and that is truly amazing.
So thank you. Thank you especially to all those crazy chicks who have crazy little sayings, but who make me smile from ear to ear everytime they say one of them.
You will never know....you saved my life.
And I love you.
And I mean it.
I really mean it.
Disclaimer-sorry about the typos, I'll proof it when I'm not blind.
But seriously.
I have always loved music, and music of ALL kinds. Just look at my CD collection. You'll find some country, some rap, some pop, some sappy cry in your beer stuff, some Christian, some oldies, some stuff that really doesn't fit into any of the aforementioned genres, and some (not nearly enough) Texas music. My collection has been called eclectic by some, ridiculous by others, but that's me. And there are so many that I should get rid of, but it won't happen. CDs are just something I can't part with. I've still got cassettes, I can't listen to them as I don't have a tape player, but if I did, I would probably pop one in every now and then. You know, we could all use a little Tiffany every now and then. Yeah, that's right, I still have a Tiffany tape, and some GoGos, too.
Anyways, the real purpose of this entry was to thank those of you who have introduced me to some music that I may not have ever been introduced to. I mean, I've been listening to Pat, Cory, Roger, REK, and some of the "older" Texas musicians for a few years, but Galley has opened my eyes to a whole other dimension of music, and for that, I am forever grateful. I wrote in a Christmas card to someone something along the lines of, "Thanks for Galleywinter. It's saved my life." And I mean that, from the very tips of my tiny toes to the wery top of my not so tiny head (Yeah, I know you thought I was going to say not so tiny something else's. Get it outta the gutter ;-)). This time a year ago, my life consisted of going to work, and going home. Weekends were spent in bed in agonizing pain, with no insurance to find out what the problem was, or prescription drug coverage for things such as Rx strength Ibuprofin, or my newfound love, Vicoprofin. Yes, I know I sound like some drug head, but when you are in constant pain, day in and day out, you do what you have to do to function. I keep getting sidetracked, so stay with me...this could be a long bumpy road. So, I finally got insurance last February, went to a Dr who had NO interest in diagnosing me, just wanted to put a band-aid on the problem for a while. That didn't work. Next Dr. By that point I had gotten smart and started keeping a pain journal (www.endofacts.com) and handed it to him (first male "that kind of" Dr I had ever been to) when he walked into the office for the consultation and proceeded to bawl my eyes out while he read it (his reaction makes me tear up to this day). He handed me a box of tissues, put his hand on my leg and said, "I am so sorry you have been going through this. It looks like you've got a textbook case of endometriosis, I don't think I need to examine you, but I will just to be certain and then we will schedule you for a laparoscopy for next week". And he did. I had surgery, pelviscopy with laser of endo to be technical, on April 15, 2005. Before the surgery he was expecting Stage 1 endo, he found stage 3. It was completely covering my left ovary, and was all over the anterior, posterior and left lateral edge of my uterus. The surgery was a little more involved than he was expecting. I had 6 weeks of post-operative,let's call them "issues", which was to be expected. Then I had 2 whole PAIN FREE weeks. That was amazing. I had had some sort of pain on a daily basis for the past 2 and a half years, with a host of other issues that endometriosis brings about. Exactly 2 weeks after my first pain free day I thought the pain in the area of my right ovary was just ovulation (they call it Middleschmertz, mid-cycle pain, which ironically enough is what I had been diagnosed with when I was 18, turns out that pain was actually caused by the endo) so I let it ride for 2 days until I couldn't stand it anymore. I called the office and the nurse got me in the next morning. The exam revealed some not so great news. There was a 99% chance that I had an endometrial adhesion forming on my right ovary which was totally clear just 8 weeks prior to that exam during surgery. See, the tricky thing about endo is that they can go in and do surgery and remove everything they can see, but there can still be adhesions/lesions just under the surface that they can't see, and then they suddenly break through and start causing problems.
Wow, this is way more than I planned on writing about the details, but it's really helpful for me to talk about it, people don't like to hear it, but it's a huge part of my life now. So just deal.
At this point I am basically back to where I was a year ago, except now I know which foods trigger the inflammatory response so I try to stay away from them as much as possible, and when I don't, Dr. Korman has given me some great drugs to help me through it!
The difference between this year, and last year, is that I WON'T let it rule my life, and now I have something and SOME PEOPLE who make me want to leave my cave and enjoy music that has CHANGED MY LIFE. And some of the people I speak of, they have changed my life as well. I used to be very judgmental. I would think things of people just because of the way they acted or because of things that I heard about them. I don't do that anymore, at least I try my very hardest not to. I try to give everyone I meet the benefit of the doubt. And I have been surprised. Boy, have I been surprised. My life has been changed more in the last 9 months than I ever dreamed possible, and that is truly amazing.
So thank you. Thank you especially to all those crazy chicks who have crazy little sayings, but who make me smile from ear to ear everytime they say one of them.
You will never know....you saved my life.
And I love you.
And I mean it.
I really mean it.
Disclaimer-sorry about the typos, I'll proof it when I'm not blind.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
I'm "it".
This is for Heather and Elaine:
The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a Blog entry about their 5 weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.
1. When I dry off after a shower, I dry my arms so that all of the hair goes the same way. I also do that when I apply lotion.
2. When I wash dishes, I wash each surface 3 times and rinse each surface 3 times.
3. When I leave the house, I check to make sure that the door is locked twice.
4. I follow the exact same shower routine every day. Wash hair, wash face, rinse face, rinse hair, wash hair, wash body, rinse hair, rinse body, apply conditioner, shave, rinse conditioner, rinse body.
5. When I eat, I eat one thing at a time, no mixing. I will finish one thing completely, then move on to the next. I try not to do it when I am with other people because they usually notice. If you see me take a bite of one thing, and then a bite of something else on the plate, I have made a concerted effort to do that.
I tag Jamie, Stephanie, Elise, Kim and Melissa (but Kim and Melissa have to get a blog). ;0)
The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a Blog entry about their 5 weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.
1. When I dry off after a shower, I dry my arms so that all of the hair goes the same way. I also do that when I apply lotion.
2. When I wash dishes, I wash each surface 3 times and rinse each surface 3 times.
3. When I leave the house, I check to make sure that the door is locked twice.
4. I follow the exact same shower routine every day. Wash hair, wash face, rinse face, rinse hair, wash hair, wash body, rinse hair, rinse body, apply conditioner, shave, rinse conditioner, rinse body.
5. When I eat, I eat one thing at a time, no mixing. I will finish one thing completely, then move on to the next. I try not to do it when I am with other people because they usually notice. If you see me take a bite of one thing, and then a bite of something else on the plate, I have made a concerted effort to do that.
I tag Jamie, Stephanie, Elise, Kim and Melissa (but Kim and Melissa have to get a blog). ;0)
Gimme some tongue.
Pics from my 30th birthday celebration. Hopefully these will clear up any confusion as to whether or not I had a good time. (SFP btw.) http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLandingSignin.jsp?Uc=vw1tpv4.13vsruxk&Uy=-nuis2b&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&UV=528851009743_71847391608
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
A $100 pina colada and a blown vein, all before 8 am!
Yeah. Except it wasn't a real pina colada, it was that contrast fluid stuff you have to drink for a CT scan. Oh. My. Gosh. That stuff was disgusting. I asked for an emesis basin and they thought I was kidding until I started gagging. I went in thinking that I would either have to drink the nasty stuff, OR have the die injected. I had to do both! I told them all that it was a conspiracy because I hate needles and have a really sensitive gag reflex and that someone must hate me and is seeking revenge. They all laughed. Glad I could offer some comic relief at 6:30 am on a Wednesday. So the tech takes me back, I get on the table and he breaks it to me that I have to have a needle so he could administer the other contrast fluid intravenously. Poor guy, I think he got scared because of the look I gave him. He does the first scan without the contrast fluid, then comes over to inject the die and feels the vein go, and then I felt the vein go. That shit hurts! He felt really bad, although I don't think it was anything he did. He was trying to keep me as comfortable (comfortable being warm) as possible and just pushed the sleeve to my sweater up which apparently served as a tourniquet, which wasn't a good thing? So, all in all, it's been a bang up morning! I would post the pictures of my insides if I could figure out how to get just one off the disc....
Well, here are some slides...not sure exactly what we're seeing here. Oh, and if a radiologist happens to see these, just let me know if there is good news. If there is bad news, shut your cake hole.
Well, here are some slides...not sure exactly what we're seeing here. Oh, and if a radiologist happens to see these, just let me know if there is good news. If there is bad news, shut your cake hole.
Monday, November 21, 2005
So that's the bracelet Nick gave me for my birthday last year. Well, that's not the exact bracelet, mine is sterling sliver (that one is pewter) and the toggle is a little different. It's called a Humanity Bracelet.
Yesterday was a yucky day. And I can't really figure out why. Was it because of this stupid pill I've been on? Was I just really lonely? Was I thinking about Nick too much? Was it because this whole turning 30 thing is way bigger than it should be, or than I even want it to be? You know, I think the fact that I am going to be 30 is so hard because of where I am in my life...No husband, no kids, nothing that's really MINE. I mean I still rent, I am still paying off my car, and I still have student loan debt (so my degrees really aren't MINE).
Back to the bracelet...I don't wear it very often because Nick seems to play in my head little more on the days that I DO... But I wore it yesterday to have lunch with my best friend of 16 years and her husband and their children. After lunch I found myself thinking a lot about the bracelet, its significance, and whether or not I should really wear it. The bracelet symbolizes a lot to me, and not just because Nick gave it to me... I realize more and more that while I feel like I reflect a lot of what the bracelet is symbolic of, there are things I really need to work on. Maybe then I'll feel happy and whole.
Loyalty: I am loyal to a fault. I take a lot that I shouldn't, and I often stuff it deep down and make myself miserable.
Unity: I'm not really sure what to make of this one....
Passion: I don't think I am passionate enough.
Joy: I am definitely NOT joyful enough. I know I am lucky. I have a great family and friends that most other people would love to have. I am healthy, for the most part, I mean, I'm not going to die tomorrow (that I know of anyways).
Kindness: I think that for the most part I am kind. I often go out of my way to make sure the people I love are happy with me, sometimes that leads to my being miserable.
Humor: I often find humor in situations where others might not...
Hope: I know I am not hopeful enough...
Courage: I used to be courageous. Not so much these days.
Love: I love too much. Plain and simple. I give my heart freely, and it almost always backfires.
Trust: This could go two ways...I am trustworthy, at least I think I am, and since I am concentrating on my feelings of myself, we'll go with that. I don't really trust anyone though. I don't really think there is one single person in my life who I could trust to be there for me NO MATTER WHAT. I want that. I really do.
Honor: Not really sure what to make of this one either.
Family: I probably have the best family ever. Don't get me wrong, we have our issues, but at the end of the day, we are exactly what a family should be.
Truth: I am honest, almost to a fault. Basically, don't come to me for advice unless you want the God's honest truth as to what I think.
Charity: Well, I donate $50 a month to St. Judes...I would do more if I could.
I am really in a strange place. Thanksgiving is in 3 days and I just want to stay home. I can't think of anything better than having 4 days of just ME time. But if I did that the family would throw a fit. All 36 of them.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
A City of Blue
That's what Lake Charles was to me this weekend, both literally and figuratively. Mostly because it seemed as though every roof had at least one blue tarp draped across it. It was dark when we drove in Friday evening so I didn't really get to see much, but as we were driving to my mawmaw and pawpaw's on Saturday morning I don't really think I was prepared for what I was going to see. On my sister's street of about 11 houses, only one didn't have a tree fall onto it, and the people that live there won't talk to the neighbors because they think the neighbor's resent them. That makes me sad. On the street leading in my grandparent's "neighborhood", there was one house that has been declared a total loss because the tree that fell onto it was MASSIVE and crushed a good portion of the NE corner to the ground. The owner's were there Sunday morning cleaning up the yard so we stopped to talk to them. They are having to stay with family in Moss Bluff (a small town just North of Lake Charles) because there is virtually no rental property in or around Lake Charles.
We went to birthday party on Saturday and it was heartbreaking to sit and listen to everyone exchanging stories. All I have is a story about sitting in traffic for 10 hours. Not much of a story compared to people who have trees in their homes, you know?
Most of the stores close early now too, that was strange. By 8:00 everything in town is pretty much shut down, and if you do go to a restaurant, you can only order certain things and can only pay with cash. I would be screwed because I never order anything directly off the menu ANYWHERE.
As bad as it was though, I kept thinking that it could have been so much worse. Look at Cameron, Grand Chenier, Carlyss and Big Lake...they were practically wiped off the map. I know it's hard for my sister to understand that she should be thankful for what she has, but it was so hard not to stand her in front of one of the other houses that is much worse than hers.
We went to birthday party on Saturday and it was heartbreaking to sit and listen to everyone exchanging stories. All I have is a story about sitting in traffic for 10 hours. Not much of a story compared to people who have trees in their homes, you know?
Most of the stores close early now too, that was strange. By 8:00 everything in town is pretty much shut down, and if you do go to a restaurant, you can only order certain things and can only pay with cash. I would be screwed because I never order anything directly off the menu ANYWHERE.
As bad as it was though, I kept thinking that it could have been so much worse. Look at Cameron, Grand Chenier, Carlyss and Big Lake...they were practically wiped off the map. I know it's hard for my sister to understand that she should be thankful for what she has, but it was so hard not to stand her in front of one of the other houses that is much worse than hers.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
One of my friends has that stitched on a pillow that she keeps on her bed. Since the first time I saw it a few years ago, I think of that rather than 'If it's not one thing, it's another.'
I had an appointment with Dr. Korman this morning. We are going to switch my pills although he is not too keen on the idea. I just can't continue gaining weight like this, and my emotions are OFF THE CHART. I cry just about every single day, and usually for no reason. Or for some really stupid reason like a TV commercial, and not those sappy Hallmark ones either, just random commercials that no one else gives a second thought to. So, it's off the Seasonale and on to Yazmin for 2 months straight to see how it goes.
We also talked about my "bladder symptoms". No, I'm not peeing in my pants or anything. He thinks I may have interstitial cystitis, which I had already figured out. I've got to make an appointment with a urologist for sometime this week or next. Take a looksee, don't you want IC too?? Fun stuff. http://http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/interstitialcystitis/#2
I've gotten really good at self diagnosis. And not the hypochondriac self diagnosis either.
It's sad that that's automatically what people think when you complain about something, or more than one thing. When you've got a chronic illness, disease, condition, whatever you want to call it, the worst thing in the WORLD is when people act like you are making it up. If you've never had a chronic disease, then you have NO IDEA what it is like to live in pain or discomfort day in and day out. So be empathetic, not apathetic.
And then there is the grandma stuff. First the "broken shoulder", now breast cancer. Seriously. I don't know what I would do if she were to die. I mean, I know she will eventually, but I've struggled with her and my pawpaw's mortality a lot over the past few years. My memories of all the summers I spent with them are the BEST memories I have of my childhood, and I want my children (if I am able to have children) to meet them and have the chance to make memories with them too, even if they are just memories that I have to relay to them as they get older.
Goodness. This isn't a very happy entry. Well, hopefully I'll have a great HNT picture to make up for it...
Oh, and while I am at it, Craig called me a "big ass liar". It makes me laugh even more to know that he lied on his myspace about having a college degree. He doesn't. He told me he never graduated. So....HA, motherfucker, HA.
I had an appointment with Dr. Korman this morning. We are going to switch my pills although he is not too keen on the idea. I just can't continue gaining weight like this, and my emotions are OFF THE CHART. I cry just about every single day, and usually for no reason. Or for some really stupid reason like a TV commercial, and not those sappy Hallmark ones either, just random commercials that no one else gives a second thought to. So, it's off the Seasonale and on to Yazmin for 2 months straight to see how it goes.
We also talked about my "bladder symptoms". No, I'm not peeing in my pants or anything. He thinks I may have interstitial cystitis, which I had already figured out. I've got to make an appointment with a urologist for sometime this week or next. Take a looksee, don't you want IC too?? Fun stuff. http://http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/interstitialcystitis/#2
I've gotten really good at self diagnosis. And not the hypochondriac self diagnosis either.
It's sad that that's automatically what people think when you complain about something, or more than one thing. When you've got a chronic illness, disease, condition, whatever you want to call it, the worst thing in the WORLD is when people act like you are making it up. If you've never had a chronic disease, then you have NO IDEA what it is like to live in pain or discomfort day in and day out. So be empathetic, not apathetic.
And then there is the grandma stuff. First the "broken shoulder", now breast cancer. Seriously. I don't know what I would do if she were to die. I mean, I know she will eventually, but I've struggled with her and my pawpaw's mortality a lot over the past few years. My memories of all the summers I spent with them are the BEST memories I have of my childhood, and I want my children (if I am able to have children) to meet them and have the chance to make memories with them too, even if they are just memories that I have to relay to them as they get older.
Goodness. This isn't a very happy entry. Well, hopefully I'll have a great HNT picture to make up for it...
Oh, and while I am at it, Craig called me a "big ass liar". It makes me laugh even more to know that he lied on his myspace about having a college degree. He doesn't. He told me he never graduated. So....HA, motherfucker, HA.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Crash
If you haven't seen it, you should rent it. I originally wanted to see it because of Sandra Bullock, my girl crush, but then I had people telling me it wasn't very good, so I wanted to see it even more. That's one thing about me...don't tell me I shouldn't do something, or not to do something, because sure as shit I WILL do it. Crash is a little Grand Conyon-ish...as in it's alot of individual stories that eventually mesh into one, kind of.
It's been a while since I've written...kinda been a "mood" lately. And work has been hell for the last few weeks.
I got to get my poop in a group. I'm feeling blah lately.
It's been a while since I've written...kinda been a "mood" lately. And work has been hell for the last few weeks.
I got to get my poop in a group. I'm feeling blah lately.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Entitlement.
Well, I was going to post this a while back, but other things came up and I just didn't get around to it.
Americans piss me off. I'm an American, so I feel I can say that, and I'm going to. If you don't like it, then you surely won't like the rest of this post so I suggest you go somewhere else. It just amazes me that "most" of the people affected, displaced, etc. by Katrina felt/feel entitled to help from the government, be it local, state or federal, and even to help from private agencies, Red Cross, Salvation Army, etc. Do these people NOT understand that NO ONE has to do anything to help them?? I mean, look at the people affected by the December 2004 tsunami. Do you think they EXPECTED anything from ANYONE? Probably not. And I bet some of them kissed the feet of the people who went over there to assist them when their own government did not have the means to. I know this is going to bring about the whole "our government can get aid to other countries 'this fast' ", yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. It really angers me when people think that they DESERVE something, yet when something bad happens all you hear is, "I don't deserve this." If you think you deserve something "good", then why don't you deserve something "bad"? Shit happens. Deal with it.
You want to know what REALLY angered me last week? The Katrina evacuees moaning and groaning because they were having to be re-evacuated. Um, okay, so we should leave you here to fend for yourselves. Yeah, that really worked out for you last time didn't it? And you know if they hadn't been "forced" to re-evacuate and Rita had come to Houston all HELL would have broken loose. All we would be hearing right now is "the government FAILED us again, why me, why me?". Give me a damn break. I have so had enough. So help me if another hurricane hits the Gulf Coast I am moving to NEBRASKA.
I received an article from my aunt and will post the link towards the end of this...I was going to post it on Galley but things are pretty touchy right now in the wake of two incredibly catastrophic storms, and I am so NOT going to be the one to stir it up! http://jewishworldreview.com/0905/graham092805.php3
This really isn't everything I wanted to say, but I am going to see my sister and my nieces who have been "displaced" by Rita and her careless decision to drop a tree on top of, or rather into, their house, and who are having to deal with this while my BIL is in New Orleans helping with that reconstruction. Oh, and you know something else? Does my sister expect a debit card from FEMA or the Red Cross, or a room on a cruise ship, or a free apartment? NO! She is doing what needs to be done to make sure her family stays healthy.
Take that.
Americans piss me off. I'm an American, so I feel I can say that, and I'm going to. If you don't like it, then you surely won't like the rest of this post so I suggest you go somewhere else. It just amazes me that "most" of the people affected, displaced, etc. by Katrina felt/feel entitled to help from the government, be it local, state or federal, and even to help from private agencies, Red Cross, Salvation Army, etc. Do these people NOT understand that NO ONE has to do anything to help them?? I mean, look at the people affected by the December 2004 tsunami. Do you think they EXPECTED anything from ANYONE? Probably not. And I bet some of them kissed the feet of the people who went over there to assist them when their own government did not have the means to. I know this is going to bring about the whole "our government can get aid to other countries 'this fast' ", yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. It really angers me when people think that they DESERVE something, yet when something bad happens all you hear is, "I don't deserve this." If you think you deserve something "good", then why don't you deserve something "bad"? Shit happens. Deal with it.
You want to know what REALLY angered me last week? The Katrina evacuees moaning and groaning because they were having to be re-evacuated. Um, okay, so we should leave you here to fend for yourselves. Yeah, that really worked out for you last time didn't it? And you know if they hadn't been "forced" to re-evacuate and Rita had come to Houston all HELL would have broken loose. All we would be hearing right now is "the government FAILED us again, why me, why me?". Give me a damn break. I have so had enough. So help me if another hurricane hits the Gulf Coast I am moving to NEBRASKA.
I received an article from my aunt and will post the link towards the end of this...I was going to post it on Galley but things are pretty touchy right now in the wake of two incredibly catastrophic storms, and I am so NOT going to be the one to stir it up! http://jewishworldreview.com/0905/graham092805.php3
This really isn't everything I wanted to say, but I am going to see my sister and my nieces who have been "displaced" by Rita and her careless decision to drop a tree on top of, or rather into, their house, and who are having to deal with this while my BIL is in New Orleans helping with that reconstruction. Oh, and you know something else? Does my sister expect a debit card from FEMA or the Red Cross, or a room on a cruise ship, or a free apartment? NO! She is doing what needs to be done to make sure her family stays healthy.
Take that.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Damn endo.
I went to my first Houston Endometriosis Association Support Group meeting last night. Pretty informative, although most of the women have tried some things that seem pretty out there. I am just not into the whole "hollistic" thing. If they had said anything about it really helping their symptoms, that would be one thing, but they all pretty much said it hadn't helped very much. I am having a crap load of pain today, to the point of getting dizzy and nauseaus. I have way too much to do this evening and all I want to do is go home and curl up in bed with my heating pad, ice pack and my book.
I am usually not a baby about weather stuff, but this Rita crap has me freaked out.
Ugh. I am not into writing right now.
Later.
I am usually not a baby about weather stuff, but this Rita crap has me freaked out.
Ugh. I am not into writing right now.
Later.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Yay me! Maybe...
I have a phone interview for that position at the YMCA that I wrote about last week. I am trying not to get my hopes up, I tend to do that. What I don't understand, why is it a phone interview? I mean, I live here in town. I've only had to do phone interviews when it was for a position out of town. Oh well, be thinking about me Friday at 6:00 pm (strange time, I know).
Monday, September 12, 2005
An update of sorts
Well, Nick and I actually talked, like, had a real conversation, not just text messages. He mentioned coming to visit me. I am not sure what to think about that. I know a few weeks ago I said he was "the one", but I think I was just really lonely. Not that I am any LESS lonely now...crap, I don't know. I have a feeling he just wants to see me for one reason, sex. A couple of months ago I would have been all for it, but I am becoming increasingly aware of the fact that if I were to do that I would be disrespecting myself. And if I don't respect myself, how the hell can I expect anyone else to respect me?
The last week has been ridiculous. I didn't get to do anything fun to blow off steam this past weekend because I worked 23 hours between Saturday and Sunday (so much for the M-F 8:30-5 job) and the work I was doing was mind-numping and tedious so I had WAY too much time to think. Nicole+deep thoughts=TROUBLE.
Moving on. I had a conversation with someone over the weekend and actually admitted (out loud) that my self esteem is in the shitter. I used to be very self confident, but in the last few years I managed to lose it. Why is that? I don't know.
In addition to the Nick dilemma, there's Brian. Stable, fire fighter, cute, cowboy, trains horses Brian. Unfortunately, it seems Brian only has one thing on his mind, too. What the hell is up with that?
I didn't sleep worth a flip last night, even though I took a vicodin because I was cramping so bad. It's 3:53 and while I got a lot of stuff done in the first part of the day, I've accomplished nothing in the last 2 hours. Guess I am just going to head home and give Chelsea the Dog some much deserved attention. I swear she knows when it's the weekend and when I am supposed to stay home with her. When I got up to get ready Saturday and Sunday she was ESPECIALLY pouty, I mean, she pouts everyday, but she was just pathetic.
Ciao for now.
The last week has been ridiculous. I didn't get to do anything fun to blow off steam this past weekend because I worked 23 hours between Saturday and Sunday (so much for the M-F 8:30-5 job) and the work I was doing was mind-numping and tedious so I had WAY too much time to think. Nicole+deep thoughts=TROUBLE.
Moving on. I had a conversation with someone over the weekend and actually admitted (out loud) that my self esteem is in the shitter. I used to be very self confident, but in the last few years I managed to lose it. Why is that? I don't know.
In addition to the Nick dilemma, there's Brian. Stable, fire fighter, cute, cowboy, trains horses Brian. Unfortunately, it seems Brian only has one thing on his mind, too. What the hell is up with that?
I didn't sleep worth a flip last night, even though I took a vicodin because I was cramping so bad. It's 3:53 and while I got a lot of stuff done in the first part of the day, I've accomplished nothing in the last 2 hours. Guess I am just going to head home and give Chelsea the Dog some much deserved attention. I swear she knows when it's the weekend and when I am supposed to stay home with her. When I got up to get ready Saturday and Sunday she was ESPECIALLY pouty, I mean, she pouts everyday, but she was just pathetic.
Ciao for now.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
FUCK.
Well, Nick and I have been texting a little lately. Just shoots it home how much I miss him. I mean, I knew I missed him, but when I am not talking to him I can put it in the back of my mind. Then we start talking and my head goes to shit.
Today I asked him about the "memory box" I gave him for his birthday last year that had pictures, cards, a shell, our Pat Green ticket stubs from our first Valentine's Day (which was also out first night "together". Yes, we waited a while.), and a few other mementos. Apparently he threw it out. I don't know that he threw away everything that was in it, but does it really matter? He threw the box out, and probably most of what was in it. That speaks volumes. Just a couple of months ago we were talking about whether or not we would ever get back together and he told me, "Nicole, you are the perfect woman for me. If I were in a different place I would ask you to marry me and we would live happy ever after." But now he's gone and thrown out the memories we made? Yes, I know it was just stuff, but that stuff was representative of the year we were together.
I could scream. I could cry. I could throw up.
But I have too much damn work to do. So I can't.
Fuck.
Today I asked him about the "memory box" I gave him for his birthday last year that had pictures, cards, a shell, our Pat Green ticket stubs from our first Valentine's Day (which was also out first night "together". Yes, we waited a while.), and a few other mementos. Apparently he threw it out. I don't know that he threw away everything that was in it, but does it really matter? He threw the box out, and probably most of what was in it. That speaks volumes. Just a couple of months ago we were talking about whether or not we would ever get back together and he told me, "Nicole, you are the perfect woman for me. If I were in a different place I would ask you to marry me and we would live happy ever after." But now he's gone and thrown out the memories we made? Yes, I know it was just stuff, but that stuff was representative of the year we were together.
I could scream. I could cry. I could throw up.
But I have too much damn work to do. So I can't.
Fuck.
MawMaw Broussard
She is my mom's mom. Today when she and my PawPaw called me she said, "When all this shit is over I''ll be able to get a degree in weather."
I swear she comes up with some funny stuff sometimes.
One time, a few years ago, we were teasing her about something and she said, "Shut up, you shit-asses!." So, now, when we get pissed off at one of our 36 family members you hear "You're a shit-ass." I'll list all of her "Edithisms" (her first name is Edith, originally Edita) some other time.
This isn't what I had in mind for today's post, but seeing as how it is 12:25 and I still have approximately 90 pages of text to re-type by Monday, I need to get back to work.
I will leave you with one word to roll around in your brain. Entitlement.
I swear she comes up with some funny stuff sometimes.
One time, a few years ago, we were teasing her about something and she said, "Shut up, you shit-asses!." So, now, when we get pissed off at one of our 36 family members you hear "You're a shit-ass." I'll list all of her "Edithisms" (her first name is Edith, originally Edita) some other time.
This isn't what I had in mind for today's post, but seeing as how it is 12:25 and I still have approximately 90 pages of text to re-type by Monday, I need to get back to work.
I will leave you with one word to roll around in your brain. Entitlement.
Friday, September 09, 2005
What the world, needs now...
Okay, did you actually think I was going to go "there"? PULEASE. BTW, the damn 'A' key and 'C' keys on this POS keyboard keep getting stuck, so back off about the typos, okay?
You know, it amazes me how a person can fool so many other people. Thank goodnes it didn't take me too long to figure it out, I mean, it took me a while, but I "got it".
Can I tell you how thankful I am that none of my LA people were "directly" affected by Katrina? The farthest East any of them live is in Baton Rouge, and while they were without power for almost a week, they are safe and sound. They even have a fishing camp on Grand Isle that went UNSCATHED. How crazy is that? My aunt says BR changed overnight. Can you imagine the population doubling where ever you live?? I mean, I know Houston grew A LOT, but with all the people that were already here, it seems the "survivors" kind of blend in.
Now, my aunt who lives in Lafayette, she was affected, in a big way. Two of her employees from her NOLA office are still missing. She is a wreck. Her daughter's dad's family (yeah, one of "those") are from Covington. They lost everything. I feel bad for my aunt.
Okay, well this keyboard has me sufficiently frustrated. I already know what my blog is going to be tomorrow, and I have a feeling some people won't like it. OH FUCKING WELL!
You know, it amazes me how a person can fool so many other people. Thank goodnes it didn't take me too long to figure it out, I mean, it took me a while, but I "got it".
Can I tell you how thankful I am that none of my LA people were "directly" affected by Katrina? The farthest East any of them live is in Baton Rouge, and while they were without power for almost a week, they are safe and sound. They even have a fishing camp on Grand Isle that went UNSCATHED. How crazy is that? My aunt says BR changed overnight. Can you imagine the population doubling where ever you live?? I mean, I know Houston grew A LOT, but with all the people that were already here, it seems the "survivors" kind of blend in.
Now, my aunt who lives in Lafayette, she was affected, in a big way. Two of her employees from her NOLA office are still missing. She is a wreck. Her daughter's dad's family (yeah, one of "those") are from Covington. They lost everything. I feel bad for my aunt.
Okay, well this keyboard has me sufficiently frustrated. I already know what my blog is going to be tomorrow, and I have a feeling some people won't like it. OH FUCKING WELL!
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Hey Randy...
What's that you say about loving your fucking job? Well, I hate my fucking job. I was telling my sister about how Randy says that after introducing the band at almost every show. She didn't get it.
I am just so blah lately. It could be from the meds I am on, but I really think that it's because I am so damn unhappy with work. I found out that my dream job is available at one of the YMCAs down here. I sent my resume this morning, I was hoping to have heard something by now. Even if I don't hear anything from the jobs I have applied for I am going to go ahead and update all of my certifications. Letting them go was so foolish. So, looks like I will have to follow Brian's advice and ask Daddy-O for the money. I hate that though. I have NEVER asked him for anything, in 29 (almost 30) years. Sure, he's given me money, but I have never ASKED him for it. Grrr.
Okay, back to work.
BTW, Stoney kicks ass.
But the song for the day is Windfall, as performed by Wade Bowen. (Written by Steve Earl?)
Now and then it keeps you runnin'
Never seems to die
Trails spin with fear
And not enough livin' on the outside
Never seem to get far enough
Stayin' in between the lines
Hold on to what you can
Waitin' for the end
Not knowin' when
May the wind take your troubles away
May the wind take your troubles away
Both feet on the floor
Two hands on the wheel
May the wind take your troubles away
Tryin' to make it far enough
To the next time zone
Few and far between past the midnight hour
You never feel alone
You're really not alone
Switchin' it over to am
Searchin' for a truer sound
Can't recall the call letters
Steel guitar and settle down
Catchin' an all night station
Somewhere in Louisiana
It sounds like 1963
But for now it sounds like heaven
May the wind take your troubles away
May the windTake your troubles away
I think it's time to wash the Jeep and take the top off. I need some fresh air. And a road trip, but at $3 a gallon, not likely.
I am just so blah lately. It could be from the meds I am on, but I really think that it's because I am so damn unhappy with work. I found out that my dream job is available at one of the YMCAs down here. I sent my resume this morning, I was hoping to have heard something by now. Even if I don't hear anything from the jobs I have applied for I am going to go ahead and update all of my certifications. Letting them go was so foolish. So, looks like I will have to follow Brian's advice and ask Daddy-O for the money. I hate that though. I have NEVER asked him for anything, in 29 (almost 30) years. Sure, he's given me money, but I have never ASKED him for it. Grrr.
Okay, back to work.
BTW, Stoney kicks ass.
But the song for the day is Windfall, as performed by Wade Bowen. (Written by Steve Earl?)
Now and then it keeps you runnin'
Never seems to die
Trails spin with fear
And not enough livin' on the outside
Never seem to get far enough
Stayin' in between the lines
Hold on to what you can
Waitin' for the end
Not knowin' when
May the wind take your troubles away
May the wind take your troubles away
Both feet on the floor
Two hands on the wheel
May the wind take your troubles away
Tryin' to make it far enough
To the next time zone
Few and far between past the midnight hour
You never feel alone
You're really not alone
Switchin' it over to am
Searchin' for a truer sound
Can't recall the call letters
Steel guitar and settle down
Catchin' an all night station
Somewhere in Louisiana
It sounds like 1963
But for now it sounds like heaven
May the wind take your troubles away
May the windTake your troubles away
I think it's time to wash the Jeep and take the top off. I need some fresh air. And a road trip, but at $3 a gallon, not likely.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
I dunno.
I am kind of at a loss right now. There are just no words to describe my frustration. My frustration with myself, my frustration with other people. I should really just shut my trap.
Praying like crazy that they get the NOLA situation under control, and soon.
Praying like crazy that they get the NOLA situation under control, and soon.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
The one.
That's Nick. Isn't he handsome? The love of my life that I can't have right now. That sucks, really bad. We met about 8 weeks too late. I moved back to Houston from Lake Charles right before Thanksgiving in 2003. We met in Lake Charles on December 23, 2003 and we just clicked. We tried to make the distance thing work, and it did for about a year and then it just got too hard and was putting way too much stress on each of us so we couldn't even enjoy the time we WERE able to spend together. I miss him, A LOT. Too much some days. Not into posting a whole song today, so just a verse from Our Song, Wave on Wave by that guy, Pat Craven Green. And that's when she found me. Not afraid anymore. She said: "You know, I always had you, baby. "Just waitin' for you to find what you were lookin' for."
Monday, August 29, 2005
A 2-fer.
Song of the day: Part Deux.
Take This Job and Shove IT by Johnny Paycheck
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
My woman done left
An' took all the reasons I was workin' for
You better not to try to stand in my way
As I'm a walkin' out the door
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
I've been workin' in this fact'ry
For nigh on fifteen years
All this time, I watched my woman
Drownin' in a pool of tears
An I've seen a lot of my good folk die
Had a lot of bills to pay
I'd give the shirt right off of my back
If I had the guts to say
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
My woman done left
An' took all the reasons I was workin' for
You better not to try to stand in my way
As I'm a walkin' out the door
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
Well, that foreman, he's a regular dog
The line boss is a fool
Got a brand new flat-top haircut
Lord, he thinks he's cool
One of these days, I'm gonna blow my top
And sucker, SHE's gonna pay
Lord, I can't wait to see their faces
When I get the nerve to say
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
My woman done left
An' took all the reasons I was workin' for
You better not to try to stand in my way
As I'm a walkin' out the door
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
Take this job and shove it
I knew today was going to suck. Self fulfilling prophecy, you say? No.
Take This Job and Shove IT by Johnny Paycheck
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
My woman done left
An' took all the reasons I was workin' for
You better not to try to stand in my way
As I'm a walkin' out the door
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
I've been workin' in this fact'ry
For nigh on fifteen years
All this time, I watched my woman
Drownin' in a pool of tears
An I've seen a lot of my good folk die
Had a lot of bills to pay
I'd give the shirt right off of my back
If I had the guts to say
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
My woman done left
An' took all the reasons I was workin' for
You better not to try to stand in my way
As I'm a walkin' out the door
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
Well, that foreman, he's a regular dog
The line boss is a fool
Got a brand new flat-top haircut
Lord, he thinks he's cool
One of these days, I'm gonna blow my top
And sucker, SHE's gonna pay
Lord, I can't wait to see their faces
When I get the nerve to say
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
My woman done left
An' took all the reasons I was workin' for
You better not to try to stand in my way
As I'm a walkin' out the door
Take this job and shove it
I ain't workin' here no more
Take this job and shove it
I knew today was going to suck. Self fulfilling prophecy, you say? No.
Case of the Mondays...
Song of the day: Least Complicated by Indigo Girls
I sit two stories above the street
It's awful quiet here since love fell asleep
There's life down below me though
The kids are walking home from school
Some long ago when we were taught
That for whatever kind of puzzle you got
You just stick the right formula in
A solution for every fool
I remember the time when I came so close to you
Sent me skipping my class and running from school
And I bought you that ring 'cause I never was cool
What makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
So, I just sit up in the house and resist
And not be seen until I cease to exist
A kind of conscientious objection
A kind of dodging the draft
The boy and girl are holding hands on the street
And I don't want to but I think you just wait
It's more than just eye to eye
Learn the things I could never apply
I remember the time when I came so close with you
I let everything go it seemed the only truth
And I bought you that ring, it seemed the thing to do
What makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
So, what makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
I'm just a mirror of a mirror myself
All the things that I do
And the next time I fall I'm gonna have to recall
It's isn't love it's only something new
I sit two stories above the street
It's awful quiet here since love fell asleep
There's life down below me though
The kids are walking home from school
I'm remember the time when I came so close with you
Sent me skipping my class and running from school
And I bought you that ring 'cause I never was cool
What makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
So, what makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
Today is going to suck. Hard. Core.
I sit two stories above the street
It's awful quiet here since love fell asleep
There's life down below me though
The kids are walking home from school
Some long ago when we were taught
That for whatever kind of puzzle you got
You just stick the right formula in
A solution for every fool
I remember the time when I came so close to you
Sent me skipping my class and running from school
And I bought you that ring 'cause I never was cool
What makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
So, I just sit up in the house and resist
And not be seen until I cease to exist
A kind of conscientious objection
A kind of dodging the draft
The boy and girl are holding hands on the street
And I don't want to but I think you just wait
It's more than just eye to eye
Learn the things I could never apply
I remember the time when I came so close with you
I let everything go it seemed the only truth
And I bought you that ring, it seemed the thing to do
What makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
So, what makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
I'm just a mirror of a mirror myself
All the things that I do
And the next time I fall I'm gonna have to recall
It's isn't love it's only something new
I sit two stories above the street
It's awful quiet here since love fell asleep
There's life down below me though
The kids are walking home from school
I'm remember the time when I came so close with you
Sent me skipping my class and running from school
And I bought you that ring 'cause I never was cool
What makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
So, what makes me think I could start clean slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated
Today is going to suck. Hard. Core.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
What to do...
Let's see. I could:
a. go to Dallas (mucho driving=mucho fun)
b. go to Dad's in Tomball (less driving=less fun)
c. stay home, watch movies, veg, have a "me" day (no driving=no fun)
d. hang out with the IC this afternoon and get a little shitty, maybe even tip over
(no driving=maybe a little fun)
Crap.
Song of the day: "I Think I'll Just Stay Here And Drink" as performed by RRB on my DD from DJ last night!
Could be holding you tonight,
Could quit doing wrong, start doin' right.
You don't care about what I think.
I think I'll just stay here and drink.
Hey puttin' you down don't square no deal.
Least you know the way I feel.
Take all the money in the bank.
Think 'll just stay here and drink.
Listen close and you can hear,
That loud jukebox playin' in my ear.
Ain't no woman gonna change the way I think.
Think 'll just stay here and drink.
Hurtin' me now don't mean a thing.
Since lovin' you, don't feel no pain.
My mind ain't nothin' but a total blank.
I think I'll just stay here and drink, yeah.
Thanks again DJ!
a. go to Dallas (mucho driving=mucho fun)
b. go to Dad's in Tomball (less driving=less fun)
c. stay home, watch movies, veg, have a "me" day (no driving=no fun)
d. hang out with the IC this afternoon and get a little shitty, maybe even tip over
(no driving=maybe a little fun)
Crap.
Song of the day: "I Think I'll Just Stay Here And Drink" as performed by RRB on my DD from DJ last night!
Could be holding you tonight,
Could quit doing wrong, start doin' right.
You don't care about what I think.
I think I'll just stay here and drink.
Hey puttin' you down don't square no deal.
Least you know the way I feel.
Take all the money in the bank.
Think 'll just stay here and drink.
Listen close and you can hear,
That loud jukebox playin' in my ear.
Ain't no woman gonna change the way I think.
Think 'll just stay here and drink.
Hurtin' me now don't mean a thing.
Since lovin' you, don't feel no pain.
My mind ain't nothin' but a total blank.
I think I'll just stay here and drink, yeah.
Thanks again DJ!
Friday, August 26, 2005
Decided I needed some Dixie Chicks today. I haven't listened to them in FOREVER.
Song of the day: Truth No. 2
You don't like the sound of the truth
Coming from my mouth
You say that I lack the proof
Well baby that might be so
I might get to the end of my life
Find out everyone was lying
I don't think that I'm afraid anymore
Say that I would rather die trying
Swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love from my lips
This time when he swung the bat
And I found myself laying flat I wondered
What a way to spend a dime
What a way to use the time, ain't it baby
I looked at my reflection in the window walking past
And I saw a stranger
Just so scared all the time it makes me one more reason
Why the world's dangerous
Swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love from my lips
You don't like the sound of the truth
Coming from my mouth
You say that I lack the proof
Well baby that might be so
Tell me what's wrong with having a little faith
In what you're feeling in your heart
Why must we be so afraid
And always so far apart
Swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love from my lips
Song of the day: Truth No. 2
You don't like the sound of the truth
Coming from my mouth
You say that I lack the proof
Well baby that might be so
I might get to the end of my life
Find out everyone was lying
I don't think that I'm afraid anymore
Say that I would rather die trying
Swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love from my lips
This time when he swung the bat
And I found myself laying flat I wondered
What a way to spend a dime
What a way to use the time, ain't it baby
I looked at my reflection in the window walking past
And I saw a stranger
Just so scared all the time it makes me one more reason
Why the world's dangerous
Swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love from my lips
You don't like the sound of the truth
Coming from my mouth
You say that I lack the proof
Well baby that might be so
Tell me what's wrong with having a little faith
In what you're feeling in your heart
Why must we be so afraid
And always so far apart
Swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you
Pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love from my lips
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Here we go
Not really sure why I am doing this. It seems like most blogs are censored, or cryptic so that the readers don't really know what's going on. What's the point? If I wanted to write in diary that no one else could read, then I would.
It seems that since I was diagnosed with endo a ton of other people that I "know" have been diagnosed as well. While it helps to be able to talk to people who have gone through, or are going through it, it's not the same as it would be if one of my really close friends knew what it's like. Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER wish this on anyone, but to have someone that I could always rely on would be really great. My dad has been great through it all, but there is only so much uterus and ovary talk that he can handle. After my surgery in April I had to start naming my anatomy in terms of car parts so he could deal. My mom, yeah, she's been pretty absent through it all. My surgery was April 15th and I didn't get a call from her until April 19th. Now I have doctors appointments about every 3-4 weeks and even if she knows about it ahead of time I never get a call to see how it went.
I've realized a couple of things over the last couple of months. I'm paranoid, and I don't like it at all. It's like if someone doesn't call me right back, or write me back away, then I think I have done something to make them angry. Now, you would think that I would KNOW when I have done something, but for some reason it totally escapes me. Is that totally retarded? I am sure it is. I am also consumed by what other people think about me. Why in the world does that matter? I mean, I am good person, I can be a lot of fun (most of the time, but the endo knocks me to my knees sometimes) and I am a very good listener and LOYAL to the end. This should make me feel better about myself. Why doesn't it?
Well, I'll have to collect some more thoughts. Hasta luego.
It seems that since I was diagnosed with endo a ton of other people that I "know" have been diagnosed as well. While it helps to be able to talk to people who have gone through, or are going through it, it's not the same as it would be if one of my really close friends knew what it's like. Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER wish this on anyone, but to have someone that I could always rely on would be really great. My dad has been great through it all, but there is only so much uterus and ovary talk that he can handle. After my surgery in April I had to start naming my anatomy in terms of car parts so he could deal. My mom, yeah, she's been pretty absent through it all. My surgery was April 15th and I didn't get a call from her until April 19th. Now I have doctors appointments about every 3-4 weeks and even if she knows about it ahead of time I never get a call to see how it went.
I've realized a couple of things over the last couple of months. I'm paranoid, and I don't like it at all. It's like if someone doesn't call me right back, or write me back away, then I think I have done something to make them angry. Now, you would think that I would KNOW when I have done something, but for some reason it totally escapes me. Is that totally retarded? I am sure it is. I am also consumed by what other people think about me. Why in the world does that matter? I mean, I am good person, I can be a lot of fun (most of the time, but the endo knocks me to my knees sometimes) and I am a very good listener and LOYAL to the end. This should make me feel better about myself. Why doesn't it?
Well, I'll have to collect some more thoughts. Hasta luego.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
A little lost
So my first blog somehow disappeared, along with the address I wanted. Oh well. Seems to be my luck these days. I feel like I am attached to a bungie cord these days. My emotions are all over the place. Not sure if it's from the health issues I've been facing, because I'll be honest, it sucks. It's like, I'm okay until I sit and think about it, which I try not to do, but when I do have those few minutes in the car and am not on the phone all I can do is think. I know I can't get sucked in because I won't know for sure until I actually get married (God willing) and start trying to conceive. Anyway, I let not feeling well keep me home for almost 4 months, had surgery (which, I find out, turned out to be useless) and felt okay for a couple of weeks so I started going out again, which has been a lot of fun, but I think I've gotten a little carried away. So, I am going to have to take it down a notch and chill with Chelsea (the Dog) for a while...
So much rambling, don't really know what else to say in this thing. It'll come to me, I hope.
So much rambling, don't really know what else to say in this thing. It'll come to me, I hope.
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