I love these kids.

I've been thinking...

Scary, I know.

A lot of my friends met their spouse/SO after being "set up" by other friends. I've never been "set up" by anyone. I kind of wonder what that means.

What do my friends think of me if they've never been willing to set me up with one of their other friends, or their spouse/SO's friends.

Huh.

Happy Birthday Nick.

I can't believe you would have been 34 today.

Actually, I guess I can't believe you've been gone two years, five months and one day.

These Dreams

They throw me off for days after I have one. The one I had Saturday morning was so vivid I woke up sobbing and felt sad all day. I don't remember all of it, or all of the details, but the parts I remember still make me sad when I think about them. We were cuddled up in his bed, although it wasn't his bed, and it wasn't his house, but his mom was there so who knows. We were just talking and laughing, goofing off like we'd do when we were able to spend the weekends together, and I remember his mom saying something from the living room/kitchen(?). She said something along the lines of "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got". Those weren't her exact words, but that's what she meant. I'll admit that I should have walked away from him a long time before I did. But I loved him *so* much. So much that, more often than not, it hurt. He spent two years and eight months pushing me away, and up until August 1, 2006, I pushed back. Harder. And then I didn't have any push left.
Back to the dream. I don't really remember what happened after she said that. I just know that I got really sad and started crying and was curled up at the head of the bed on the pillows.
He kept asking me what was wrong and I finally screamed, "I"m CRAZY, OKAY? You're not here and I'm talking and laughing with you. And you're NOT HERE."
He kept asking me what I meant by he wasn't there and I finally told him, "You killed yourself two and half years ago, you selfish son of a bitch!"
That's when I woke up in wracking sobs.

I was on my way to my best friend's son's little league opening season parade and festivities and this song came on my MP3 player, which was on DJ, Random Play All. Strange, huh?



This song came on next.

The Rainbow Bridge

Chelsea
12/1995-1/16/2009

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Left out. Left behind...

That's how I'm feeling these days. I was looking through pictures on Facebook and saw a picture of two little girls laughing and having a great time over Christmas. You're probably thinking that's not very interesting, or different. Well, the two little girls are the children of two BFF's from high school and I got to thinking that when and if I ever do get to have children, all of my friend's children will have already outgrown mine.

My paw paw

First, I'd like to thank you all for keeping my family and me in your thoughts and prayers.
The surgery was a little more than three hours and was incredibly intense. They removed his colon and did an ileostomy, and also removed his spleen and gall bladder. His bowel was perforated and his entire belly was pretty much full of blood, and many other "secretions" (I'll keep it at that for those of you with weak stomachs). They've inserted a feeding tube directly into his small intestine and will begin using that in a couple of days to provide nutrition. They are using a "wound vac" to minimize the risk of infection. During the procedure, they went through 4 units of whole blood, 20 units of platelets and 4 units of fresh frozen plasma. This is in addition to the 7 units of whole blood and 4 units of platelets they used yesterday. He's till not out of the woods, as the risk of infection is really high. At this point, the Dr's believe this was caused by vascular disease and/or atrial fibrillation.
Thanks again.

I'm not really in a writing place

but it's been a while.

So, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all have a great day!

Two years.

I feel like poo

and really don't feel like posting, but there are a couple of things of importance that I would like to address.
First, Stand Up To Cancer is on this evening, on all three major networks at 7:00 pm CT. I urge you to watch it, and to donate if you can.
Second, BTHO Melanoma is on Sunday the 14th from 10:30-3:30. I BEG you to attend. There are a lot of great items in the silent auction, there will be GREAT BBQ, lots of stuff for the kids to do, and skin cancer screenings (in a nice, private, air conditioned tent. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE try to join us. It would mean a lot to me!